Kylo was stunned enough to reveal his mission to the enemy. And at the moment, he didn't actually want to carry it out. Should the Supreme Leader learn of this, he'd be reprimanded severely. In the eyes of the First Order, he was dancing the fine line between treason and making a pathetic excuse of espionage.

Could he really do it? Have a life where he served no master? Could he run from the First Order, the Resistance and what was left of the Republic? Was there anywhere he could possibly go?

"And if I wanted to take this ship... and never come back? To... to anyone?" He dared ask aloud.