The opportunity to have some caf and talk with his kid does mean a lot to the older Solo. And the idea that the force is individualized is something he never realized before, though it's something that makes sense in hindsight. The very way that the younger Solo even answers the questions is teaching Han a lot too.
When he finally arrives at asking his father about what he was like before Snoke's influence, he has to take a moment to process the question. Only very recently, right before he left for Starkiller base, did Leia share exactly what she knew about was going on with Ben. That he was born with equal potential for the dark and the light. That Snoke had targeted him at a young age. That she didn't want to involve Han, which was crushing to him.
You had—you have—wonderful qualities, Han, but patience and understanding were never among them ... I was afraid that your reactions would only drive him farther to the dark side.
His wife.
Not as if it wasn't a classic Leia behavior to think she could handle everything herself, but that was probably the most painful thing he'd heard her say to him. That there came a point where she thought that pushing him away was better for their son than trying to have Han be involved. It's own kind own kind of dagger through the heart.
She also admitted that she was wrong, in hindsight, but it's not as if that softened the blow much. It's just another one of those things he'll think about when those frequent trips through space leave him alone with his thoughts.
"I don't know exactly when he was getting to you." He admits. It's not as if Captain Solo knew the precise moments when their son was being manipulated by Snoke, but looking back there was definitely a change. He can only share what he remembers and conjecture at best.
"When you were very small you spent a lot of time with me and Chewie." Considering that Leia had a virtually endless supply of political obligations, that shouldn't be all that surprising and Han wasn't really smuggling anymore - his reasons for giving it up at that point were far more numerous than the reasons to keep doing it.
"We were doing a lot of mechanic work at the time, modifying ships and the like, so you'd be along with us. You wanted to touch everything. I couldn't put a single thing down without you trying to grab it, but so long as it wasn't something like a cutter or a torch, I never wanted to yell at you for it."
Even Han, about as far from being family intuitive as a person could get, knew that it's how toddlers learn. By picking things up. And far be it from your father to want to dissuade you from being curious about starships, Ben. He was thrilled that you were interested.
"Hard to say if you loved ships or if you were just curious because I surrounded you with them, but you didn't cry much then. Rarely acted as if you were bored even though we'd be working for hours."
So many hours were spent that way and Han, a Corellian orphan who spent much of his life before Leia bouncing from bad situation to a different bad situation, was actually surprisingly happy in that hum-drum sort of life.
"You ..." He struggles with how best to describe it. "... it wasn't that you didn't like other people, but you were wary around strangers. You weren't the sort of kid that smiled when someone tried to engage you - and plenty of people who knew me and Leia did want to see you. Sometimes it seemed like you were overwhelmed. Especially in crowds."
It was when the force was really manifesting itself in Ben that he noticed things starting to change. He was about five or so. When the little boy, always as close to his father as he could get (as if he somehow felt 'safer' at his side) stopped taking the things Han would ask him to hold and instead they simply hovered in the air ... that was when he knew things were going to change.
Han and Leia got stressed.
A lot of arguments between Han and Leia in those days were over Ben. Many of them simply boiled down to the elder Solo suddenly feeling like he was losing his kid to this nebulous thing that seemed just out of reach of him. Something that he was on the outside of. Something that he couldn't control. It pissed him off and it seemed as if his wife wasn't trying to help him understand as much as he would have liked. There was a rift now.
In the meantime, Ben's powers in the force were growing and with it, a distress. He wasn't the boy who was happy to sit around for hours watching dad work and then getting grub at the local diner anymore. Han hated the idea of Ben going to live with Luke and then, perhaps, he'd get to see the boy occasionally when Jedi schedule was permissive of it ...
... but he hated seeing his son being haunted by something more. If Luke could help him, and there was no reason for his parents to think that he couldn't, then as much as it hurt, of course he'd go along with it.
"I wanted to ..." Han swallows hard. Stops talking for a moment and then, begins again. "I never really got to ask you if it was what you wanted, but I always figured that some day I would be showing you everything I knew about starships and teaching you the way I learned."
And in that, was how Han Solo best showed his affection for others. By mentoring them. Let's face it, it's not as if a kid who lost his parents at two was ever going to adopt a traditional parent figure role - he didn't even know how to begin to do something like that - but he would have brought his son along for the ride of this thing that he called his life. And kept the kid as close as he wanted to be.
no subject
When he finally arrives at asking his father about what he was like before Snoke's influence, he has to take a moment to process the question. Only very recently, right before he left for Starkiller base, did Leia share exactly what she knew about was going on with Ben. That he was born with equal potential for the dark and the light. That Snoke had targeted him at a young age. That she didn't want to involve Han, which was crushing to him.
You had—you have—wonderful qualities, Han, but patience and understanding were never among them ... I was afraid that your reactions would only drive him farther to the dark side.
His wife.
Not as if it wasn't a classic Leia behavior to think she could handle everything herself, but that was probably the most painful thing he'd heard her say to him. That there came a point where she thought that pushing him away was better for their son than trying to have Han be involved.
It's own kind own kind of dagger through the heart.She also admitted that she was wrong, in hindsight, but it's not as if that softened the blow much. It's just another one of those things he'll think about when those frequent trips through space leave him alone with his thoughts.
"I don't know exactly when he was getting to you." He admits. It's not as if Captain Solo knew the precise moments when their son was being manipulated by Snoke, but looking back there was definitely a change. He can only share what he remembers and conjecture at best.
"When you were very small you spent a lot of time with me and Chewie." Considering that Leia had a virtually endless supply of political obligations, that shouldn't be all that surprising and Han wasn't really smuggling anymore - his reasons for giving it up at that point were far more numerous than the reasons to keep doing it.
"We were doing a lot of mechanic work at the time, modifying ships and the like, so you'd be along with us. You wanted to touch everything. I couldn't put a single thing down without you trying to grab it, but so long as it wasn't something like a cutter or a torch, I never wanted to yell at you for it."
Even Han, about as far from being family intuitive as a person could get, knew that it's how toddlers learn. By picking things up. And far be it from your father to want to dissuade you from being curious about starships, Ben. He was thrilled that you were interested.
"Hard to say if you loved ships or if you were just curious because I surrounded you with them, but you didn't cry much then. Rarely acted as if you were bored even though we'd be working for hours."
So many hours were spent that way and Han, a Corellian orphan who spent much of his life before Leia bouncing from bad situation to a different bad situation, was actually surprisingly happy in that hum-drum sort of life.
"You ..." He struggles with how best to describe it. "... it wasn't that you didn't like other people, but you were wary around strangers. You weren't the sort of kid that smiled when someone tried to engage you - and plenty of people who knew me and Leia did want to see you. Sometimes it seemed like you were overwhelmed. Especially in crowds."
It was when the force was really manifesting itself in Ben that he noticed things starting to change. He was about five or so. When the little boy, always as close to his father as he could get (as if he somehow felt 'safer' at his side) stopped taking the things Han would ask him to hold and instead they simply hovered in the air ... that was when he knew things were going to change.
Han and Leia got stressed.
A lot of arguments between Han and Leia in those days were over Ben. Many of them simply boiled down to the elder Solo suddenly feeling like he was losing his kid to this nebulous thing that seemed just out of reach of him. Something that he was on the outside of. Something that he couldn't control. It pissed him off and it seemed as if his wife wasn't trying to help him understand as much as he would have liked. There was a rift now.
In the meantime, Ben's powers in the force were growing and with it, a distress. He wasn't the boy who was happy to sit around for hours watching dad work and then getting grub at the local diner anymore. Han hated the idea of Ben going to live with Luke and then, perhaps, he'd get to see the boy occasionally when Jedi schedule was permissive of it ...
... but he hated seeing his son being haunted by something more. If Luke could help him, and there was no reason for his parents to think that he couldn't, then as much as it hurt, of course he'd go along with it.
"I wanted to ..." Han swallows hard. Stops talking for a moment and then, begins again. "I never really got to ask you if it was what you wanted, but I always figured that some day I would be showing you everything I knew about starships and teaching you the way I learned."
And in that, was how Han Solo best showed his affection for others. By mentoring them. Let's face it, it's not as if a kid who lost his parents at two was ever going to adopt a traditional parent figure role - he didn't even know how to begin to do something like that - but he would have brought his son along for the ride of this thing that he called his life. And kept the kid as close as he wanted to be.