twelve_not_fourteen | The odds of hitting your target go up when you aim at it.

Entry tags:

The odds of hitting your target go up when you aim at it.

No matter how good you are at something, if you challenge yourself against enough people, you'll find someone who can best you. Even if you have all the talent in the galaxy, nobody is going to be successful one-hundred percent of the time. It's an unfortunate aspect of life that we fail.

You can label those thoughts as pessimism or realism if you like, but it doesn't change it's truth. And the good thing is that, in recognizing you can't be the best at everything all the time, you can come to realize that the whole rest of the human race is on that ship with you. What ends up making the difference is striving to be better and being well rounded in what you can do. There's no shortage of aspiration in Han. He's not the 'resting on his laurels' type.

Which brings us to the explanation of why he's been spending the last few nights in Nexus bars learning to play darts of all things. Boy meets girl. Boy likes girl. Boy mentions being interested in bar games. Girl says darts seem like fun. Boy spends all his spare time over the next few days learning how to play darts, naturally.

It could have been fun to learn how to play together and, no doubt, that's the route a lot of people would take. Not Han, though. It's so deeply ingrained into him that he needs to prove his worth, that he couldn't very well go into this occasion without some practice. Even though it's just for fun. Just an excuse to get closer to somebody. He has to be the best that he can be in the few short days he has to learn the skill. Besides, he rationalizes to himself, it will be good if someone knows the rules to the games before they try to play.

Thock. Thock. Thock.

The sound of the metal tipped darts pelting the sisal fibre board is the same every time. In some ways, the game likens itself to other kinds of marksmanship. A lot of the work is done in adopting a good stance each time and being consistent.

The hours melt away faster that he realizes.

Unlike playing cards, which requires observation and thinking to play well, he can mostly zone out here. For him, it's kind of relaxing. He's not a champion dart player after two days and he's pretty sure Barton would handily outclass him in a game, but he's gotten pretty good. He tends to hit in the wedge that he's aiming for more often than he misses.

Although they never specifically agreed upon a time or even a specific place to reunite, he trusts the May Queen to find him. The morning was clear and no doubt a goddess has a lot to accomplish in a day, so he waits until the sky begins to turn dark before he heads to an establishment called 'The Pitch and Roll'.

It starts to rain just before he gets there, but it's one of those warm refreshing ones that you tend not to mind getting caught in too much. For now. It looks to him like it's going to really start pouring soon. A good evening to spend inside somewhere. He's glad he brought a good jacket; it's light brown in color and leather. If it's still raining when it's time to walk to the Falcon, he'll be glad to have it. The rest of what he's put on in terms of his clothing is the standard for him - black pants with a yellow decoration along the side seam and a white long sleave shirt.

He doesn't see Frea when he arrives and so, he'll walk up to the bar and order an ale for himself while he waits.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Han doesn't mind Brienne. He respects her strength, and to some degree, even the moral codes she seems to have that he can't ever imagine himself abiding by. If anything he got a little anxious when he thought she might be a potential rival for Frea's affections. For all he knows, she could still be, but he feels a little more secure now than he did then.

"Everything okay over there?" He has a bit of a lazy smile on his lips at the question. Not that the shuffling particularly strikes him as odd, but sometimes it's good to check in. And he's kind of the host here, isn't he? "If you're thirsty I can get up."

He might be wondering more about her life than she is right now. Not having any detail means she could have had a beautiful and amazing life before this one that she was cheated out of or perhaps she came from some kind of background that was unkind and lonely. Unless the memories come back with time, there was no way to know.

"I think there was a time where, if someone gave me a chance to have another life, I would have taken it." He purses his lips for a moment before adding. "It was nice that I met you when I did. I guess like everyone else, I was ready for spring and then ... there you were. But you're more than just spring to me. You know that, right?"

There's no rival for the feelings she has for Han. But she feels different things for different people, and that might be where the trouble starts. She has a great deal of affection to give people, but it might not be exclusive. That isn't something she's really thought about yet. Her 'go with the flow' attitude about life might not be in anyone's best interests here.

"Mm-hmm." She gives him a reassuring smile. "A little thirsty, but too comfy to want to let you up yet." He is absolutely the host. This is his home, after all. She'll try to be a low-maintenance guest.

Time will tell, literally. Whatever and wherever she came from, she chose this new life. For her, for now, that's (mostly) enough.

She'd been preparing to tease him gently about wanting a different life, and maybe to ask what kind he would have wanted. Like she's some kind of genie who can grant wishes. (Well, he does certainly rub her in all the right ways...) But then that assertion, and she can't turn her head fast enough to hide her startled expression. No, she didn't know that. She could try to pass it off, pointing out that she gets the whole summer too, but they both know that's not what he meant.

When she does finally look down, it's with cheeks flushed with confusion and pleasure. "I um. Thank you."

That day is likely to be a rough day for the Corellian. Likely to catch him off guard upon the discovery, but when he really stops to think about it, probably not all that surprising. Just one more way they oppose each other. He should want for him not to be a limitation on her when all is said and done.

In turn, he's a little surprised with the way that she reacts to the words, but Han of all people is familiar with the way that certain sentiments are powerful. He knows that there are things that people can say to him that bring out a very similar reaction. Touched a nerve. Rather than watch the wave of emotion she might be feeling, he casts his eyes away for a few seconds; letting his presence be felt not from the weight of a stare, but with with a thumb dragging very lightly over her cheek.

"Sure." He murmurs. "Just figured you should know."

It's not likely to be easy for anyone. She'll have to hope he can see that her freedom means she always comes to him freely, and that can be a beautiful thing. Freely given joy is, in the end, the only lasting gift she has to give.

It's a nerve she didn't know she had. (Anyone getting the impression she doesn't spend a lot of time in self-contemplation would be correct.) It's a little odd, to have him point that out, like it's easy and obvious. Like she should know these things because they're part of the natural order. There's a flicker of a frown when he looks away because it makes her think she's done something wrong. The touch is reassuring on a number of levels and she leans into it.

"That was kind." When her blush starts to fade she reaches over to turn his face toward her again so she can kiss him. It's a soft kiss but a rich one, full of the things she's discovering she feels for him beyond passion. "Thank you."

Such a relationship can only work if both parties are on board, of course, because otherwise one person is sacrificing their own comfort for the sake of the other - and if that happens, neither will end up happy. It is natural for things to change, though. To evolve. To grow. It that's the impasse they seem fated to hit, there's always the chance they can just ... be friends.

But that will be a concern for then.

For now, he's happy. It's hard not to be when he feels able to say something heartfelt to someone and have it be moving. And kissed like he's being kissed right now, besides.

"You'd have said as much to me if things were the other way around."

If either of them ends up compromising so much they're sacrificing, they're both doing something wrong. It seems unlikely they could go back to 'just friends' at this point, but stranger things have happened. Especially around here.

When the kiss ends, she leans her forehead against his. "Well, yeah. You're amazing." It's all so obvious when she puts it like that. "But I'm glad it's not you. I'm glad you get to live your life and that I get to be part of it. Even if I don't understand all of it yet."

When she leans in so close to him there's nowhere for him to run. Nowhere for him to hide. And he's wondering if maybe she can see into his soul. It's a way more vulnerable a position than he's used to being in, but like so many things, it doesn't seem so bad when she's there. Or the cause.

"Mmmm. You're glad about a lot of things, though." He points out. Trying to do a convincing job of teasing is really hard to do when you just want to smile. "I don't even know what to make of you, sometimes. It's almost too much glad."

Han's hand settles on her back where he can rub over it gently. His life as a subject does tend to make him a little uneasy. There's so much he wants to keep in. So much that he'd rather not think about, but he ... doesn't want her to be left wondering either.

"What would you like to know?"

But think about it, Han: the positioning makes her just as vulnerable. It's not about cornering him, it's about wanting them to be open and intimate with each other in more than the wonderfully physical ways they have been.

"Yeah," she agrees without remorse. "But I'd rather have a life of joy than a life of sorrow, so I go looking for the happy things."

The rubbing makes her sigh, a soft sound of contentment and--yes--joy. Why fuss about his rough hands when she can enjoy the touch so much instead? This is her life: one spent in the silver linings.

"Hmm. Well... why is money so important?" Her question comes with no tones of reproach, and the dislike is being tamped down as best she can; mostly, it's honest and simple curiosity. "I mean, I know it's a useful standardization of bartering, but... why do people want so much? There's plenty of everything to go around."

To be fair, just being in the proxy of all her silver linings makes him feel a lot better.

"It's a hard thing to explain, darlin'." He says after a moment of thought. The look in his hazel eyes suggest that he's thinking over the question carefully, but that doesn't mean the answer is going to come easily.

"When you're broke, you're trapped. Stuck under the thumb of the people who have all the wealth, but refuse to share it. Your problems compound when you're poor, too. Makes you stressed, which then makes you sick."

"And all the while the people who have it dangle the money in front of you. And you know that ... if you could just get a little bit more that you could start living a life you wanted to, instead of doing whatever you have to do to maintain your limited status."

Just wait until she's got him seeing his own silver linings. He'll be rich!

She's listening as carefully as he's thinking. It's an important topic, in general and to him especially. She wants to get this right and she knows he won't like if she has to ask a second time. Her expression grows more sympathetic as he explains and she doesn't resist the urge to hug him a little closer. Like she can hug all the sorrow and worry away.

"I'm sorry. People shouldn't do that." And it kind of pisses her off. "But why not go out where they aren't and get what you need?"

For a guy that is so money driven, he sure doesn't seem to be having fun talking about it. It's never been about the money itself for Han, he's just ... doesn't want to be controlled and that's what money does. The hug might not soothe way the concern or pay off his debts, but it's nice all the same.

"What do you mean by that?" With their faces that close to each other, it's not all that hard to lean in for another kiss and he certainly wants one.

It's often less fun to talk about the things one doesn't have. This isn't really meant to be a fun talk, but it's important... which almost makes it worth making him uncomfortable, to her.

The kiss is easy to find and she's eager to give it. "I mean, well. There are wild places, yeah? Why not run away to one and live off the land and be free?"

You know... like her.

"I don't know if it's that easy, honey." He murmurs. It's not as if he would have to explain to her there's a bit of a process and start-up cost in starting to grow one's own food. That's a consideration. "A lot of the places that are that remote are ... harsh. Not full of things that are alive, you know? There's tons of planets where I come from where 75 percent or more of their food is imported from other worlds."

Not to mention, the skills required to work the land (if he could find some) aren't beyond his ability to learn, but it's not as if he acquired them in his life as a pilot. Same for hunting.

"If I was gonna run away, it would probably be here, I guess." Though, clearly, there's something that keeps him doing exactly that.

That is a lot of information and most of it is alarming for her. Whole planets that can't support their population anymore? That is a terrible thing and very upsetting. Then there's the idea that people can't just go and get what they need and be happy.

Naivety is forgivable in the young, right?

"I'm sorry, I didn't know." She's going to nuzzle his hair while she tries to process this, if he doesn't mind. "Why not run away to here?"

That's one way to look at it, sure. Another way is to think of it is, they've gone created 'successful' colonies on planets that weren't meant to support certain kinds of life. Or perhaps another way to view it is each planet has a role in the galactic economy and they all provide different things.

It's a tough thing to explain for someone always accepted galaxy wide macroeconomics as 'normal' and he's probably not doing the best job of fleshing it out for her. It's not a particularly strong subject for him to speak on.

But the nuzzles to his hair are always welcome. She'll find it's among the most comforting gestures she can extend to him. Even seeing him leaning into touches to keep contact there.

"I don't hold it against you for not know how things work in a place you've never been, sweetheart." He says softly. "I did live with someone on a planet once, for a couple of months. It's alright for a while, but I start get restless when I don't get out into space. I don't like feeling stuck. Also there's my best friend. I ... miss him."

Edited 2016-08-15 12:26 (UTC)

Those are legitimate viewpoints, but she'll never agree with them. She has her biases, like anyone does. Anything that requires an understanding of macroeconomics to appreciate is pretty safely crossed off the list of things Frea might enjoy.

Nuzzling his hair, on the other hand, is firmly on the list of things she absolutely enjoys and intends to do again. Seeing how much he likes it helps solidify that decision and she nuzzles more now that she knows he likes it too. (Not that there was a lot of doubt.)

"And you need money to get home," she concludes after a quiet moment of thinking. It's perhaps not a bad thing if he's as in need of leaving sometimes as she is. They'd just need to coordinate a little... "Okay. We'll get you home," she promises after a briefer pause. This is now officially a team effort.

He knows what she means when she says 'we'll get you home.' It's an extension of herself to him. Taking on his problem as one of her own, which, is ... kind. Not that he hadn't observed that she was kind already, but all the same. It feels significant to him that Frea is doing this.

"You're not trying to get rid of me, I hope." He murmurs, gently teasing. "I haven't really had a lot of people that wanna look out for me that I trust ..."

It's not an offer she'd make to many people. It's not her area of expertise; traveling and science and space belong to other gods (and the fairy in the hat). But she'll make the effort when it suits her, and seeing him happy suits her very well.

She giggles at the teasing and shakes her head. "Not trying to get rid of you, no. Because I expect you to come back. I want you to be happy, and I hope that includes coming to see me sometimes."

Kindness, for it's own sake, is alien to Han Solo. His life has taught him to expect such gestures to backfire on him or to at least expect that the other person was going to get something out of the effort as well. He worries about trusting people. Even her. ~~It's not supposed to be that way, is it?~~

And yet, he seems to need the help. He's not getting a lot of traction in what he's been doing so far.

"I couldn't imagine myself not wanting to come back to you." He leans in to punctuate the thought with a kiss. "I'm convinced that spring is my favorite season."

Edited 2016-08-17 14:05 (UTC)

Kindness for its own sake is a bit like being good for goodness' sake: sometimes there's presents, but Christmas can seem awfully far away. Frea is absolutely getting something out of the arrangement. Does that tarnish things for him? Are the nice things she does lessened by the knowledge that she's getting to enjoy her own warm feelings and the pleasure of his happiness?

The kiss does seal the deal nicely. There's little room to doubt when they're so close together. Her lips pursue his when he draws back again, just for a moment, and the sound she makes is partially frustration and mostly pleasure. If there was any doubt she's hooked on his kisses, that should be cleared up by now. "And isn't that a lucky coincidence?"

She noticed, somehow in spite of the kissing and giggling, that he's not keen on talking about how she can help. She supposes she'll have to figure it out for herself. Heaven help him.

It's true. He hasn't come up with anything she can do to help him with yet. In his defense, he's not entirely sure what Frea can do. But he has deduced that being the goddess of spring puts her somewhere between the average mundane human and omnipotent in terms of abilities. He plans to do further studies to see what he can find out.

And no, he wouldn't judge her negatively on getting pleasure from seeing him happy. Although, he'd still characterize such efforts as altruistic.

"I don't think it a coincidence at all." He says matter of factly. "I think I was seduced."

He can do that, testing and probing and watching, if he wants. In the meantime, she'll do what she wants, and will expect it to all work out wonderfully in that charmingly optimistic way she has. (She's so optimistic, she's sure it's seen as a charming thing. That's dedication to a philosophy!)

She'll take the 'altruistic' label and wear it proudly. It's the sort of thing that makes a person feel good about themselves. Mind she doesn't start giving him labels, too. Like sweet, and kind, and noble. They can be cumbersome.

"Oh?" She's smiling, and bites her lip a moment to keep from giggling. Once she has control of herself again she slides a hand down his side to draw circles on his hip. "Seduced." The word is said slowly, deeply, in a way that suggests it's being tasted and felt as much as spoken. "By what? The birds singing? The sweet perfume of flowers in the air? The gentle warmth of the smiling sun and easy caress of the cool breeze? Is that what seduced you, my darling?"

"Lady Frea," The words come out in almost a purr. "Forgive me in advance, you know I think very highly of you and I don't mean to blaspheme, to be blasphemous, to be talking in blasphemy ..."

One of those has to have been right, he thinks. Anyway, he continues.

"... but those are the sorts of things that everyone loves about the spring."

It's not as if the birds don't sing lovely songs. Or the flowers coming into bloom don't give a pleasing scent. Or the nice weather offers a kind of renewal to all the life that seemed to stagnate during the winter, but it's something of a basic view of the season. And Han has been paying more attention than he lets on.

"I'm fond of the sharp of new sword grass when it rakes across my back. The way the earth smells after it gets damp from a spring rain. The way berries ripened by the newly warm weather feel on the tongue. The steady, constant rhythm of a river that's flowing once again."

Edited 2016-08-18 13:22 (UTC)

He can purr her name any time he likes, so long as he's willing to accept the consequences of that action, which is that it makes her want to kiss him. Like so. It's a brief kiss meant to pause but not interrupt, but heartfelt all the same. And it's followed by another of her endless supply of giggles; one of those phrases is close enough to correct, she's sure. That, too, is kept brief to try not to interrupt him too much.

She'd been expecting a compliment there. A more direct one. Anything complimenting spring she takes as meant for her as well, but he'd just told her he sees her as more than that. Not that anything he's said is untrue; all those things are lovely, filling the senses with primal joys too many people forget. She can live with not always getting what she wants. "Ah. You need stronger things in your life."

And perhaps she can learn from this. Her hand continues tracing circles, but now she curls her fingers so her nails rake lightly over his skin. Her head is angled so she has to look up through her lashes at him, coy and flirtatious. "I'm glad you've found something worth loving in the spring."

He had no intentions of upsetting Frea with what he said. When you followed the flow of their conversation, that must have seemed evident. She doesn't even seem disappointed in him, so he doesn't know that he misstepped. It's just ... that he can only think of her goddess status in terms of what he knows and so in his mind, it's like her profession.

For instance - he is a pilot. He identifies with being a pilot. He's not like every pilot, though. And there's more to Han than just his being a pilot. Frea is the goddess of spring. She identifies with spring, but she's not like every goddess and there's more to her than just spring.

He might be oversimplifying it, but in the same way that Frea can't know how money works because it's out of her realm of experience, so too is what it's like to be a god outside of Han's. Can any mortal know that? He was intuitive enough to know that it was important to tell her that he sees her as 'more', but he can't really know how important it is without understanding the burden.

"Does it sound crazy if I say I think I need you?" He says smirking at the sensation of nails on his skin. "I don't think I'm the type that knows what I want or what's right, actually, but I know what I'm drawn to."

Edited 2016-08-21 20:25 (UTC)

The odds of hitting your target go up when you aim at it.

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)