twelve_not_fourteen | Facing the Dawn with Sleepless Eyes ...

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Facing the Dawn with Sleepless Eyes ...

Han was sitting in the curved bench of the Millennium Falcon’s galley with a half full glass of a colorless liquid in his hand. It was a loose, but familiar grasp. Like he had held a glass like this a thousand times and he knew exactly how to wrap his fingers around it comfortably. Whatever he was drinking smelled kind of like what leaks out of a power coupler when it’s busted.

He happens to be drinking it slowly, at least.

His other hand is occupied stroking through over the hair of a young lady who decided that his thigh ought to be her pillow while she took a nap.

Most days on the YT-1300 were good. Better than they had any right to be.

A fact that he attributed much of to the very same lady in his company now, but the path they treaded earlier in the day had been as choppy as entering a planet’s atmosphere during a raging storm. He should have seen it coming. He did, after all, accept a job that was going to have them delivering vaporators to a collective of moisture farmers on Jakku.

Yeah. That Jakku. The very same desert planet that he had gotten the lonely girl off of. The one she spent so many years waiting on, barely scraping by sometimes, waiting for people who never did end up coming back for her. The planet she never hesitated to mention that she would be perfectly happy never to go back to.

She put on a brave face when he told her their destination. Tried to act like it didn’t bother her, but he was beginning to know Rey very well and she wasn’t quite the card player he was yet. He saw the worry in her eyes and the nervous fidgeting of her hands when she thought Han wasn’t paying attention.

Hardly ate anything all day.

Didn’t find the usual things to talk about.

The worst of it, however, was when she tried to smile for him. The occasional attempt to smooth things over and prove to him that everything was okay – but the smile was wrong. She wasn’t feeling it and it made for a lame comparison to one of her real smiles; which he was pretty sure could light up Umbara if given the chance.

Han felt terrible about everything, of course.

Didn’t even come to bed, which, Rey realized after an hour or two of trying to wait up for him. That was when she took it upon herself, blanket in hand, to wordlessly collapse on him in the main hold. It was the only way she could see herself getting any rest.

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He tries not to take it personally that she would ask that. He's got his own emotional hang ups from parents who were gone when he was just barely old enough to comprehend their absence. It affects a person deeply, having that happen to them. Still, he wished that his actions had spoke louder than they ultimately had.

Loud enough that she wouldn't need to ask that question.

"Of course not." He murmurs, adopting a soothing tone without even thinking about it. "I know you haven't been on the ship that long, but I hardly remember what it was like before you were here."

It isn't him. And it's not that he's not doing enough to show her what he feels for her, and this is - it is not the usual type of worry for Rey. But all she knows is hardship, all she remembers is the anger and hopelessness and fear of the unknown and having to step into it on her own, and so young, so young, and it's - it's not an easy thing to simply get over.

Hopefully, he'd understand. Hopefully, he wouldn't hold the question against her.

"You probably - ", she hiccups, cursing the tears she can't hold at bay, "Probably had a lot more room in your bunk."

Han leans in to give her a kiss. If she'll let him. He doesn't think she'd deny him, but it's not always easy to exchange a kiss with someone when you're crying. It's not going to rank as one of the most smolderingly passionate kisses he's ever given, but it wasn't supposed to. He wanted to comfort and reassure her.

"I'd fold myself in half every night if I needed to make room for you." He answers when their lips come apart. "I think you know that, though."

Rey doesn't have it in her to deny Han anything, especially a kiss. And, truth be told, she kind of needs it in order to feel as though, perhaps, everything was going to be right in her world. That this hasn't changed what he feels for her. That no matter what, she could count on Han to help her through.

"I know", she breathes, eyes wet, face flushed, and not in the pleasant ways that he's used to seeing. "I don't know what I did to deserve this - any of it - you ... but I'm ... infinitely happy to be here. To know that you c - care."

Han's not really the best at comforting with words. The heartfelt words don't come as easy as the quick assurances he'll make to a potential client or the boasts of his prowess at the yoke of a starship. He's not even all that sure why.

"I don't want you to be upset, sweetheart." He drops his chin down and presses a delicate kiss to her brow and then one to her wet cheek. "I never wanted to do anything that would hurt you."

"Once this run is over, everything will get back to normal and then we can look into what's going on with the bad dreams."

She knows that, too. And she doesn't need fancy words, the way that he holds her is enough, the way that he promises that everything was going to be okay was enough. So, maybe she'll need some time in which to settle her ruined nerves, but she'll get there.

"I'm sorry", she whispers, embarrassed at losing such control of herself. "For not telling you before. For hurting you. For ... all of this."

For being difficult, when all she's ever wanted to do was be something good.

"I ain't scared of a bit of glass." He murmurs with a shrug and a little bit of a smile. "I ain't afraid of you either, so, if you're trying to scare me off you're gonna have to do better than this."

It's a little bit of a joke, sure, that's the norm with Han. It also happens to be the truth. They might not understand what's happening to her during those nightmares, but they haven't pushed him away. No, it would have to take something more personal, likely. Something that came from a place of cruelty or spite.

"I think ..." He purses his lips for a moment and looks down at her. "... there's this place I know on Takodana. It's a neutral ground for people from all over in the form of a huge castle. The owner, her name's Maz. She's been alive forever, so, she might have heard about other people having the bad dreams like yours."

"You've had worse", Rey answers, sniffling softly. "I know that, too." She has to pause, though, in order to process the second point, and to keep from saying something incredibly stupid, especially given the circumstances. "No, I'm - I ... I'd really like to keep you, please and thanks, for as long as possible."

Nailed it.

She would never, ever do anything purposely to hurt him. It'd break her apart to know that she has. No, she absolutely wants to stay here as long as he'll allow, part of the crew, and by his side, and happy.

"So ... of anyone, she's probably the best person to ask? Is it very far out of our way?" Not that they've got another job lined up after this one that she knows of ... she just doesn't want to be a bother any more than she's already proven that she can be.

Ah. He sees what's going on here.

Han squeezes her into his chest and holds her even closer to him. Han leans in close to her and murmurs, "I love you too, honey."

And then, not to dwell on anything for all that long, his mind is combing through the next couple of thoughts.

Even when people are shooting at them. Even when they've eaten little more than oats and caff for almost three days because they're running low on rations. Even when they're tired because it's taken hours to load and conceal cargo. Rey has been content, even pleased most of the time. Far as he knows she's only had a bad dream this one time - and he sleeps beside her almost every night, so he'd probably know.

It seems pretty likely once finish on Jakku, she'll be happy again. And when she's happy, the likelihood of a nightmare will diminish.

"We don't have a way to be out of, but there are places on Takodana to resupply. It's a pretty lush world so there's probably some good food we'll be able to pick up, at least. Chewie can keep his eyes and ears open for a job while we talk to Maz, if nothing turns up, we can do some maintenance on the ship or fly off somewhere else."

Oh.

Although she doesn't say anything in return - she can't, he's absolutely taken her breath away, her arms tighten around him, and she practically melts into his arms.

It's all she's ever really wanted to hear, that she belongs, that she's wanted, and needed, and cared for.

She's happy here. Even doing with situations that might shake the steadiest nerves, Rey's found some enjoyment. How could she not? She's free now, and surrounded by friend and lover alike, and maybe this is an unorthodox way of life, but it's hers.

Up until this point, she really had nothing to worry about in the slightest. And although she feels like she's put that happiness in jeopardy, it's those five words and the way he holds her so tightly that makes her believe, or start to, that maybe everything would work out in their favor.

"Well, if we can do all of that and maybe get some answers, I think it's probably our best option at this point. And maybe - maybe it'll help just to have some time to ourselves."

After this, they could use a week. But a couple of days couldn't hurt, either.

Han's hesitancy with the word 'love' has nothing to do with his ability to feel it. He cares a lot about Rey. He'd never leave her behind. There's not much he can think of that he wouldn't do for her. Sometimes he just ... doesn't realize how much people need to hear that word and there are times when it feels like it just wants to stay stuck in his throat somewhere.

The obviously happy reaction from the lady in his arms makes him glad he got it out, though. No doubt about that.

"We roam, we work and then we roam some more." He says in that breezy way of his. "Can't see why that can't happen at the same time as we try to find some answers for you."

He's never been shy about showing his affection physically, and, as the saying goes, sometimes actions speak louder. And, if not for tonight and her nightmare and subsequent, what, mental outburst, she would have been perfectly content with that.

But she's always craved hearing it, just once, and knowing without a shadow of a doubt of the truth of it, and hearing not from Han is maybe the best thing she's ever heard. It's going to be her most precious memory.

"I suppose you're right. We'll go, and we'll see what happens, and we'll go from there."

(She only hopes that he knows somehow just how much she loves him in return.)

Now she's got it. One step at a time. Planning out too far ahead rarely works out well for Han because invariably, someone will mess up all his well thought out designs. Then he'll be back to improvising again.

Han eases his tight hold on Rey, but doesn't completely let go. Not yet, anyway.

"I need to try to get some sleep before we land." Try is the keyword. Between the adrenaline that comes with having a glass break so extravagantly in his hand and his mind racing, he's not all that sure he's gonna be successful at resting, but he should try. "You should too. Are you coming along?"

It's kind of an uncertain way to live, but as she's beginning to learn, that's what brings about the best adventures. It's sometimes a wild ride, but Rey wouldn't change any of it for the world.

His grip on her might loosen, but she doesn't move away just yet, content to remain in his orbit now, and once they head to the bunks ... which is probably going to be sooner rather than later. It's late. They're both exhausted, physically and emotionally. They need rest.

"Yes, of course", she answers softly, nodding. "I sleep better when you're with me."

Han nods. The phenomenon of sleeping better together is known very well by Captain Solo as well. Even with the crampedness, it's just better when they're close. He's pretty sure they were meant to be wedged together into all kinds of weird places.

"Might shower first, though." He says with a small smile. "I'm still wearing some of the Prow I was trying to drink earlier."

Rey hardly notices anymore - the having to contort into somewhat strange positions to both fit. She hardy notices a little bit of sore joints when she wakes up. In any case, a little bit of discomfort is well worth it if it means she gets to fall asleep with her face resting in the space between Han's shoulder and his neck. It was well worth waking up to a kiss or eight.

She does duck her head then, hiding the embarrassed flush of her cheeks. "Yes, I - I'm sorry about that, too. I can leave you to it, if you'd like."

It's tempting to counter with the notion that she should 'try to make it up to him by helping wash him down', but there was that one other crewmate that had. Who is literally going to be trying to sleep only a few feet away from where they would be showering.

"Ain't about what I'd like in this case." He says with a shrug. "I wouldn't wanna keep Chewie up any later than we have already."

Still, he's gonna lean in for a kiss. Because he wants one. Because after the events of the last hour, he probably needs one. Because it feels good to kiss her. "Meet you in bed in a few minutes?"

And she wouldn't even hesitate to do so! Except ... the night has been exciting enough on its own, and it wouldn't be fair to Chewie to continue disturbing his sleep. And ... that might have to wait for another time, but she'd be just as willing whether that was hours from now or months.

"Yes, that would be awfully inconsiderate of us, wouldn't it?"

Rey eagery returns the kiss - because she wants it, too, because maybe they both need to share one, because it always feels wonderful. She nods, the hint of a smile turning her lips up at the edges. "Yeah. I'll be there."

They're way, way, waaaaaaay better off with Chewie on board the Falcon. Han wouldn't dream to suggest otherwise, but it does mean that they have to at least attempt to be considerate of him. It beats having to pretend there's no attraction between them at all, though. Not only was that rough, but he's pretty sure they weren't fooling him at all.

Anyway, with all that said and done, Han will take an abbreviated shower. He dries off just barely enough and change into what passes as 'pajamas' for him, lose pants and nothing else.

Only a few minutes spent apart from Rey. Just like he promised. The small bed always looks more inviting when she'd curled up in it and waiting for him.

Rey wouldn't be very disposed to behaving disrespectfully, anyway. She's the newcomer on the ship, she treats Chewie with the same amount of respect that she does Han. But it would be a lie to say that she's glad that their relationship is out in the open, because it was exceptionally difficult to try to hide it before - no way that the Wookie didn't know exactly what was going on.

She slips into the bunk, trying to find a comfortable position in which to lay before Han joins her, which turns out to be much sooner than she was anticipating. All the better, though, so that they can find some rest together. It's been a long day for both of them.

There's no helping her pleased little smile, and no hiding the way she looks him over from head to foot, appreciative of the sight. And she flips the blanket off, inviting him into bed.

Those amorous glances. Han rarely appears to be lacking in confidence, but now that there was a Rey around to shoot him looks like that ... it spurs him on all the further sometimes. There isn't more than a couple of steps between where they wash up and where the bunks are, but Captain Solo has a little (more) swagger in them as he approaches.

There's a lean in close and a kiss that happens before he gets into the bed, but when that matter is settled, he will join her under the covers.

There's never a bad time for something as simple and as meaningful as those glances, whether they're heated and hinting at something better done in private, or gently admiring. Either way, when she catches his eye and he returns it, she always feels a thrill.

Just as she does now, watching him breach what little distance there is between them in order to climb into the too-small bunk with her. It takes some doing, but eventually, they find a comfortable position, and she's soothed by his arms around her, and her head on his chest.

And although she's very well aware that he knows exactly how she feels, she thinks it bears being said out loud, albeit in a quiet whisper. "I love you, too."

There are a few more quiet murmurs exchanged, but not many. Consideration for the Wookiee they share a cabin with and all. Then it's holding each other and staying close until they fall asleep, which actually goes a little bit better than Han was expecting considering everything.

Among all the creeks and groans of the old YT-1300 traveling through hyperspace and the occasional beeps and chirps of various systems that keep the freighter flying, the one that can (and often does) wake Han up from sleep is deceleration warning. There's no reason to leap out of bed like there would be for certain other kinds of alarms, but by the sounds coming from the washroom ... Chewie is in the middle of grooming.

So, for the sake of making sure someone was at the console when they dropped into realspace, Han gets up. He dips his feet quickly into a pair of boots and grabs a shirt that he can pull on while heading toward the cockpit.

If all went right, they should be approaching Jakku.

It's late, after all, and there is plenty of work ahead once they land. So Rey contents herself with allowing the best of his heart underneath her cheek to lull her into sleep, and doesn't wake up (or, thankfully, have another nightmare) until the insistent beeping of the deceleration warning stirs Han and ensures that he had to extricate himself from the tangle of arms and legs in order to make his way to the cockpit.

There's really no point in trying to go back to sleep when she knew damn well that she'd never be able to find the same comfort alone as she does when he's with her, so it doesn't take long before she's dressed and following his lead, leaving her hair long and loose and messy for the time being.

She offers a soft hand at his shoulder before she takes a seat in the co-pilots chair, pulling her feet up and under her, quietly watching as Jakku comes into view.

There's an ice in her veins at the sight, but she hardly wavers. He'd promised that everything would be alright, and she has no real reason to believe otherwise.

She'll be fine. This is only just a job, after all, nothing more.

The sound of Rey's footfalls heralds her arrival even before her hand does, though he's appreciative to feel it at his shoulder anyway. He can almost feel her curling up into herself before he can see it out of the corner of his eye. The taupe colored planet begins to take up more and more of view though the cockpit window.

"You could have ..." He stops mid-sentence. He was gonna say 'stayed asleep', but he's started to notice that she very rarely could rest when he wasn't there with her. "... stayed in bed, sweetheart."

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And then my heart grew five sizes, all because of five words.

It was about time. She been practically begging him to say it, without, you know, actually begging

She just needed to hear it once! Just because she's never heard it before. She won't push for more

Scruffy will tell her. Occasionally. And be in personal space. And make her smile.

And that's really all she needs.

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