Facing the Dawn with Sleepless Eyes ...

[twelve_not_fourteen]

Han was sitting in the curved bench of the Millennium Falcon’s galley with a half full glass of a colorless liquid in his hand. It was a loose, but familiar grasp. Like he had held a glass like this a thousand times and he knew exactly how to wrap his fingers around it comfortably. Whatever he was drinking smelled kind of like what leaks out of a power coupler when it’s busted.

He happens to be drinking it slowly, at least.

His other hand is occupied stroking through over the hair of a young lady who decided that his thigh ought to be her pillow while she took a nap.

Most days on the YT-1300 were good. Better than they had any right to be.

A fact that he attributed much of to the very same lady in his company now, but the path they treaded earlier in the day had been as choppy as entering a planet’s atmosphere during a raging storm. He should have seen it coming. He did, after all, accept a job that was going to have them delivering vaporators to a collective of moisture farmers on Jakku.

Yeah. That Jakku. The very same desert planet that he had gotten the lonely girl off of. The one she spent so many years waiting on, barely scraping by sometimes, waiting for people who never did end up coming back for her. The planet she never hesitated to mention that she would be perfectly happy never to go back to.

She put on a brave face when he told her their destination. Tried to act like it didn’t bother her, but he was beginning to know Rey very well and she wasn’t quite the card player he was yet. He saw the worry in her eyes and the nervous fidgeting of her hands when she thought Han wasn’t paying attention.

Hardly ate anything all day.

Didn’t find the usual things to talk about.

The worst of it, however, was when she tried to smile for him. The occasional attempt to smooth things over and prove to him that everything was okay – but the smile was wrong. She wasn’t feeling it and it made for a lame comparison to one of her real smiles; which he was pretty sure could light up Umbara if given the chance.

Han felt terrible about everything, of course.

Didn’t even come to bed, which, Rey realized after an hour or two of trying to wait up for him. That was when she took it upon herself, blanket in hand, to wordlessly collapse on him in the main hold. It was the only way she could see herself getting any rest.

Comments

[thesefirststeps]

Which is funny, because she's beginning to feel like her reaction was ... unreasonable. But once they sit down and discuss her feelings, if they do that, she'll be far more open and honest than she's been on the duration of this trip.

At the very least, hopefully they've learned a valuable lesson about being honest with each other in all aspects, because this - this has been miserable.

"It's - ", she begins, shrugging helplessly. "It's happened before."

[twelve_not_fourteen]

If there's one thing that Han should probably do, it's be more open when it comes to all those things he never wants to talk about. It's not a very healthy way to live one's life and even if his choices to be that way might not effect Rey directly, you can't help but wonder if it does by proxy.

"It's happened before?"

A lot of questions start springing to mind. Chiefly, 'what is it' and 'when was before', but he can see that it's kind of upsetting to her or ... she's upset by it this time.

He continues, a little softer. Chewie will probably be able to hear them, but he'd still rather take the volume down a little. "So you're that the glass broke because of something you did? Do you know why it happens?"

[thesefirststeps]

It's how he protects himself - and if there anything that Rey understands, it's that. It's not as though she doesn't do much the same, at least with certain details and experiences that she doesn't like to think about, much less feel comfortable speaking about.

With each other though, it shouldn't be so difficult to be open and honest and... vulnerable.

She's more upset by the fact that he's gotten hurt because of her than by the fact that it's happened again - which is distressing in and of itself. She thought she was safe from these nightmares now that she was away from Jakku, now that she had friends, now that she was cared for.

This instance has proven that she's not safe anywhere, and it's shaken her to her core.

"No, I don't know what it is - ", she replies, her voice trembling. "But when I have these dreams, the ones when I remember being - being left behind.... I've woken up to find things.... broken. I've woken up to find everything looking like it's been ransacked, even though I was the only one there. I've woken up with cuts, too. I didn't mean to hurt you, I swear! "

[twelve_not_fourteen]

That was the part that he wasn't putting together till she brings up hurting him. There's guilt and concern that's tied to the fact that he got a shard of glass to the hand. It's strange to have someone this concerned over his well-being who isn't Chewbacca, but on the other hand, he kinda gets it.

He was a little bit of a mess when those crates came down on her, too.

"Hey sweetheart." He murmurs. Han would draw her into a hug if they weren't trying to keep his blood in him. "I'll help you. It's gonna be alright."

Nevermind that he has no idea how he's going to do that, but he's going to try. They'll find someone who knows what's going on with Rey, there's a lot of people who've seen a lot of things in those taverns they hang around it. Then they can go from there ...

[thesefirststeps]

It might not be a serious injury, but it's serious enough to wrack her with that guilt. She'd have been concerned even if it had been just as superficial as the scratch to his cheek. She would have been just as concerned even if she hadn't been the cause.

She loves him, after all, and she wants nothing more than to be with him for a long time to come. (Those mentions of exploring new worlds together, of settling down one day somewhere like Kashyyyk that she's looking so forward to.)

Later, maybe, once he's properly bandaged, and they can find some sort of privacy - she'll need that hug. She'll need his closeness. She'll need him.

"Thank you."

[twelve_not_fourteen]

"Sure."

There was plenty of motivation to learn exactly what's going on with her. Preventing future injuries. Sparing his poor ship that sometimes seemed to struggle to stay in one piece as it is. Trying to tell exactly how ... dangerous this thing that troubles her is.

Thing of it is, he doesn't want to know because of the usual self and ship preserving reasons. He wants to know because he needs her to be okay and stars forbid if she's not ... well, then they have to get her whatever treatment there is for what's wrong. They have a lot of traveling to do together. Debts to pay off and then maybe the future to think about.

[thesefirststeps]

Thank you seems woefully inadequate. But at the moment, it's really all she has.

And while she understands that a lot of the reasoning behind his acceptance and his offer for help is to keep his ship safe and in one piece, she's also aware that more of it is due to his feelings for her.

And that settles some of her anxieties, too. Why was she even scared to begin with? They'd talked about the future enough times for her to know that he saw her as a part of his, and yet - and yet, that still didn't quell her nightmares.

She lifts the edge of the towel to take a peek at his hand, and notices that no blood wells up from the puncture once she does. "You're not bleeding anymore", she murmurs, glancing up at him slowly. "We can probably start cleaning it now."

[twelve_not_fourteen]

"Yeah? You think so?"

Han's not sure himself. All he feels is his hand is throbbing and he can see a spot of crimson going through the towel. "Suppose he can lift up the towel and find out."

And when they do? They'll find that she was right. Han is done bleeding. It's good to know that Rey has a knack for the first aid stuff, although, he's hopeful that they won't have to lean on it very often.

[thesefirststeps]

"Positive."

She just has the feeling that the adrenaline has slowed, and the bleeding has, too. And she can't help feeling the tiniest bit of pride when the towel is lifted and she's proven correct.

It actually looks a lot better now that the shard has been removed, less angry, still red and swollen, though. After the bacta and a little bit of time, he'd be good as new, that much, she was certain. And hopefully, she'd never have to do any of this again ...

Although she's learned to expect the unexpected, so who knows when or if something like this would happen again?

"How does it feel? Any better?"

[twelve_not_fourteen]

His hand certainly looks a lot less dramatic when there isn't a shard of glass in it. It's not so bad after the initial shock. His hand's probably going to hurt when he grabs something with it while it's healing, but the bacta will speed that along.

"A little." He says as he wiggles his fingers. They move a little more stiffly than he'd like, but they move. Tomorrow he'll see how badly it affects his ability to shoot with the remote. He might switch to the other side while he's healing if he feels he's better off ...

Chewie rumbles something about the mess being cleaned back up and him heading to bed, to which, Han replies with a simple thanks.

[thesefirststeps]

That's the damn truth! Swollen, she can deal with, because the swelling will fade fairly quickly. But the sight of that glass embedded into his palm is something that Rey is going remember forever.

A few days, she thinks, not long, and it will have healed enough to get back to work as usual. But until it does, she'll offer her hands in any way she can, just to be of assistance. That is, unless he bristles at the suggestion, in which case, she'll step back, metaphorical tail between her legs.

Rey murmurs her thank you to Chewie, as well, and sets to searching the medkit for bacta and bandage alike.

[twelve_not_fourteen]

Moving stuff is where it's going to the biggest problem. The loading and unloading of the ship, that is. If she wants to offer to do extra of that kind of work, he likely won't complain. Nor would he mind if she was extra nice and got up to get him things within reason. He does kinda like to be doted on, after all.

It's gonna be in her approach more than anything. The more she insists that he shouldn't do something, the more he's gonna want to stubbornly dig in his heels and show that he can.

Anyway, there are medical supplies in a few places on the ship. Small kits in both the cabin and the cockpit. A larger stash in a footlocker beside an actual bacta tank that, stars willing, will hopefully work right if they should ever need it.

Han takes another swig from the bottle of booze while Rey is getting stuff.

[thesefirststeps]

Those are both easily done - and not to worry, although she'd devote her time and attention to work, the loading and unloading, when it was all said and done, she'd devote it all to Han himself. She knows just how much he likes that sort of attention, and she's always willing to offer it - all the moreso now.

He's gonna frustrate her. Especially if he insists that he can do the thins that are only going to exacerbate his hand if he does. But she's got to remember to keep a calm head if she wants to prevail - and no amount of insisting anything is gonna guarantee that.

She's reluctant to have to move away just yet, but supplies need to be procured, and they're not gonna bring themselves. It takes a bit of work to shuffle through a few of the kits before she finds what she's looking for, but eventually she returns, glad to see him sitting when she does. That'd make this a whole lot easier.

"Ready for me?"

[twelve_not_fourteen]

He does ... tend to frustrate. It's a gift of his. Some people are destined for greatness and Han Solo was meant to drive the people who care for him up a wall. You never know. There's always the off-chance he'll notice that he's stressing her out and make a behavior adjustment.

"Always." He says with a bit of a smirk.

Scruffy wedges the cork that acts as the top of this particular bottle of booze into place and then, holds out his hand for her.

[thesefirststeps]

She's noticed. But she'd like to think that she's managed admirably in the face of said frustration. He's worth, it, after all, and Rey knows that he cares for her, which makes it well worth the hassle. Besides, she's not the easiest person either, especially after tonight's debacle, and she hopes that she's worth it, too.

Rey smiles faintly in response, and sets to work on his hand. It's already disinfected, which makes the task of applying the bacta and making sure it's securely bandaged fairly quick and easy.

Whem all is said and done, Rey sits back, sighing softly, hesitant as she ventures - "I can, if you'd like, go now. I mean, if you want to be alone."

Strange, suddenly feeling so uncertain.

[twelve_not_fourteen]

"If you don't mind ..." He pauses, struggling with the words.

Han has so many things he doesn't to talk to anyone about that he always feels a little bad about pressing on someone else for their own personal details. No doubt if he was breaking things during nightmares it would be among the things he wouldn't want to get into with someone else.

"I'd like to talk a little about the glass and the dreams and ... all of it."

[thesefirststeps]

Rey ducks her head, hot tears prickling at the insides of her eyelids, not expecting him to turn her away, even though she'd offered the possibility - glancing back up sharply, surprised by the continued suggestion.

He doesn't - doesn't normally tend to talk about very serious subject matter, usually more quick with a joke. But this was probably too big to dismiss outright. And although Rey doesn't have very many answers, she'll be honest about what she does know.

"Yeah - I, um ... where do I even begin? What - what do you want to know?"

[twelve_not_fourteen]

Oh, he could rattle off about ten questions in the span of about a minute if he wanted to. To some extent, they all sleep together in a tiny room in a rickety old freighter there is a wellbeing element to needing the answers, but that's not really why he wants to know what's up with Rey.

He's worried.

Whatever she's going through ain't normal.

And as much as ignoring a problem and hoping it will eventually go away is a prominent problem-solving strategy in the Han Solo method, he doesn't mess around when it's someone he's looking out for. Not if he can help it.

So, he takes a deep breath and tries to take it slow with the questions. He means to be somewhat sensitive about all this. "You said this has happened to you before. I was wondering if it happened with us before? Or just when you were on Jakku?"

[thesefirststeps]

That was to be expected. She's certain that Han's got far more questions than she's got answers for. But there's no point in trying to hide things now, and no reason that they should ignore it and pretend that nothing is out of the ordinary, none of this is happening, and there is certainly no danger of it happening again ...

But all of those things are lies, and they both know that they are.

As difficult as it might be to try to explain what's going on to the best of her knowledge and her ability, Rey's going to try her damndest. The last thing she wants is to push away the one person in her life she always wants close.

"No", she answers, shaking her head. "It only happens when I have nightmares. Tonight's the first time I've had one since I've been onboard. Even on Jakku ... it didn't happen often. But it's happened enough times that I - I know it's got to be me that's doing it. There's really no other explanation."

[twelve_not_fourteen]

The tempting follow-up is; do you know what it is?

It's a waste of breath to ask it, though. If she knew what it was, she would have told him by now. Han has no doubt of that. Nor would it upset her as much as it seems to, if she had some idea of what she was dealing with - he's pretty sure that Rey has the resolve to get through nearly anything.

"It's always because of a bad dream?" He says as he reaches for Rey's hand. "Or have you moved things when you were awake?"

[thesefirststeps]

It's only natural if he asks. Unfortunately, Rey won't be able to answer it with any certainty, and she won't be able to provide any real answers, only more questions.

She burns with guilt, though, that she hadn't disclosed any of this well before now. But if he'd known ... would he have even allowed her onboard to begin with? Would they have ended up where they are?

... Was he thinking of leaving her on Jakku after the job was done?

Rey feels a wave of panic begin to build, and needs a moment to calm herself, lest anything else unexpectedly occur to cut through the already shattered peace of late travel.

But once he's taken her hand and offered her a sense of stability and steadiness, she manages to shake her head gently, still searching for breath. "A - always while I've been asleep. Always during a nightmare. Always the one where I'm - I'm ... left behind."

[twelve_not_fourteen]

It's hard for him to see her like this. When he thinks of Rey, he thinks of a strong woman. A resourceful survivor that can handle whatever is thrown at her. It's not that seeing her like this makes him think she's not strong, but seeing her like this does tell him that she's hurting. That something about what's been happening in the last day is so troubling it's affecting her sense of confidence.

He'd been planning to use that hand to draw her into him anyway, but now he doesn't waste time pulling her into a hug. She goes right his chest and holds her close. As if he could shut out the whole galaxy with them and give her at least a few moments of peace. He can't, of course, but it's the closest he's got.

"Everything is gonna be alright." He murmurs. "You can stay on the ship the whole time we're on planet and as soon as the job's all wrapped up, we'll get into hyperspace right away. We won't even stay in the Western Reaches."

[thesefirststeps]

It's equally as hard for Rey to break down so completely in front of Han - and it's not that she doesn't trust him, that's as far from the truth as possible, it's that ... she needs to be that strong woman that he knows, she needs to be able to handle anything and everything that comes her way, she needs to ... because if she shows any sort of weakness at all ... she could die.

But sometimes, as she's learning, even the strongest person needs to let their guard down. Sometimes, they need someone to be strong for them. He holds her close, and she nearly melts into the embrace, her broken little sigh enough of a hint that she's exactly where she needs to be.

She stiffens and shivers, and wraps her arms around him to hold on all the tighter, and eventually manages to ask - "You're not going to leave me?" in a voice so small and so sared that she sounds so much younger than her nineteen years ... perhaps much like she sounded the day she was left originally, young, and terrified, and begging her parents or guardians to come back, just come back.

[twelve_not_fourteen]

He tries not to take it personally that she would ask that. He's got his own emotional hang ups from parents who were gone when he was just barely old enough to comprehend their absence. It affects a person deeply, having that happen to them. Still, he wished that his actions had spoke louder than they ultimately had.

Loud enough that she wouldn't need to ask that question.

"Of course not." He murmurs, adopting a soothing tone without even thinking about it. "I know you haven't been on the ship that long, but I hardly remember what it was like before you were here."

[thesefirststeps]

It isn't him. And it's not that he's not doing enough to show her what he feels for her, and this is - it is not the usual type of worry for Rey. But all she knows is hardship, all she remembers is the anger and hopelessness and fear of the unknown and having to step into it on her own, and so young, so young, and it's - it's not an easy thing to simply get over.

Hopefully, he'd understand. Hopefully, he wouldn't hold the question against her.

"You probably - ", she hiccups, cursing the tears she can't hold at bay, "Probably had a lot more room in your bunk."