On the Light and the Dark ...

[twelve_not_fourteen]

“Ben --”

In a such a large structure with conditioners for the volume of systems and subsystems that run the Starkiller Base, it seems like there should have been more ambient noise then there was. Instead, the voice of his father cuts through the air like freshly sharpened vibroblade. It’s in the echo, however, that you can really hear the desperation.

“Han Solo, I’ve been waiting for this day for a long time.” That voice, cold and mechanical with the face Han longed to see so badly hidden behind a helmet. The Millennium Falcon’s captain has to struggle to hold back the tears that seem to want to spill from his eyes.

How you could have been so close, as he stalked behind you and still you didn’t seem to feel him or acknowledge that he was there, the old pilot will always wonder. Han’s first footfall onto the durasteel catwalk not the usual confident step, but a shaky one. He has a bad feeling about what’s about to happen and yet, it’s a feeling he has to ignore for many reasons.

For, perhaps, the most important reasons that any man could ever hope to have.

Han sets his jaw and summons the same courage that allowed for him to skim a little too close to black holes and run hollering into crowded barracks full of Stormtroopers. It shouldn’t take that kind of bravery to face your own son, should it? He supposes not, and for a second or two while he approaches, he tries to pinpoint where it all went wrong. As if it was only one wrong choice that sent them through this hellish cascade and not a series of them made by multiple people.

“Take off that mask.” Han says, a bit of an edge in his voice again. “You don’t need it.”

“What do you think you’ll see if I do?” A pointed response, not quite as glib as the ones his father spouts off, but sort of philosophical. It reminds him of a Skywalker response.

“The face of my son.”

When Kylo Ren disengages the mechanisms that keep his helm in place, and he reveals himself, his father’s eyes seem to soften. The sad truth is that he can recognize you, but the light that he used to see in you - a brilliance that could have dwarfed any star that Han had ever seen, seems so far away.

“Your son is gone. He was weak and foolish like his father. So I destroyed him.”

“That’s what Snoke wants you to believe. When he gets what he wants, he’ll crush you.” Han pauses to look at his son, who seems to recoil at the words. “You know it’s true.”

“It’s too late.” Kylo protests, but he’s struggling with something and Han can see it in his eyes.

“No it’s not.” He says, doubling down on Leia’s insistence that their boy can still be saved, even though in the moment he’s not really sure. The Solo patriarch says it with all the hope in the galaxy though. “Leave here with me. Come home.”

Then, when it seemed like Han was so close to getting his son back, A blaster bolt flies past Han’s arm. It comes so close to hitting him that it singes the leather of his jacket and the smell of burning touches the air.

Han turns, snarling and withdraws his blaster. His hand speed still impressive for a non-force user and he fires three shots in the direction that the bolt seemed to come from. Then more blaster fire starts coming from all directions – from Chewie, Finn and Rey as well as the troopers of the first order who had filtered into the room.

At this point, the only sensible thing that Captain Solo can think to do is to sprint back toward his friends, snap off a few more shots and hope that his son had chosen to follow. He doesn’t hear the pounding of another set of feet behind him, though. The observation makes his heart sink.

Han turns to look back at his son, in the middle of the chaos, only to see the young man pulling the helmet on again.

What Han doesn’t see, in that moment, is the way a bolt threatening to hit him right in the back, changes mid trajectory and flies impotently into the emptiness below him. Did Ben Solo use the force to save his father? Did Kylo Ren only intervene because he still wanted to end his father’s life himself?

The Knight, clad all in black, ignites a scarlet saber that glows angrily amid the trickle of blaster fire in the air.

“Fall back.” He yells to Rey and Fin.

Chewie, doesn’t need orders from Han to know what he wants. The old partners know each other well enough that many things don’t need to be said. Get to the Falcon. Someone has to raise the ramp and ignite the engines.

Still, his Wookiee best friend will lay down some cover fire in the space between father and son, to give the senior member of this band of heroes some time to reconvene with Rey and Finn. Only then will Chewbacca hit the trigger for the detonators and sprint off to the ship. If Solo wants to be mad about that, his copilot thinks to himself, they can argue about it later.

Soon Finn, Rey and Han are scrambling though the snow and trying to lose their pursuers in the dark forest. Considering that he’s more than twice their age, Han thinks he’s doing a serviceable job of keeping up, but a look he’s catching in the female of their party’s eyes tells him someone is nearby. 

Comments

[twelve_not_fourteen]

Han knew about torture first hand, so, of course, he recognized that kind of scream. Physically, the worst pain Captain Solo had ever felt was at the hands of Darth Vader. You could study his nerves among all the types of pain that he had ever been exposed to in a life that seen, perhaps, more than his fair share of it. The evidence would be irrefutable.

And yet, it didn't compare to the hurt that he felt listening to his son cry out in that primal sort of agony that nobody should ever have to hear - much less hear coming from the vocal cords on their own kid. Or the feeling that he was completely helpless to ease his suffering. As far as he knew, nothing more that he could do apart from being on the opposite side of the galaxy from Snoke and hope that the control he had on Ben would weaken.

"Chewie, help Ben while I've got the controls, I want to be sure that we're not being followed."

It's a command he gives with regret. He'd love to be the one to pick his son up and carry him off to lie down somewhere, but the reality was, he's almost seventy years old. Chewbacca was the more sensible choice to do the lifting.

"Then come right back because I wanna watch over him."

[forcefullyunstable]

The jump to hyperspace broke the initial hold. Distance would only help. But in the meantime, Ben was a quivering wreck holding onto Chewbacca's fur as he was hoisted off the floor with ease.

That was something he did remember from childhood, and it never felt more real.

The Wookie carried him to Han's bunk, putting him on the actual bed - not the cargo hold he'd practically claimed as his own. By the time Chewie returned to the cockpit to trade places with Han, Ben had calmed somewhat. At least enough to look his father in the eyes and mutter, "he's gone..."

'For now.' Went painfully unspoken.

"I'm sorry... I lost us the other ship..."

[twelve_not_fourteen]

Level of calmness was the other reason Han figured that Chewbacca might be the better choice for the job of initially helping Ben to a bunk. Both for good and for bad it seemed as if being close to his father bought out some very powerful feelings in the force sensitive. It didn't take a keen insight in psychology to notice that he was far less conflicted by the Wookiee.

Rightfully so.

So Han is very quiet when he returns to Ben's side at first, anyway. And anyone who knows Han knows that it's not often that you'll catch him being quiet. He slides a metal chair over to the bedside and sits. For now.

"I don't really give a damn about the ship, kid." That ship anyway. Suffice to say there'd be a little more conflict if he lost the Millenium Falcon, but still. He doesn't even love his YT-1300 more than he loves his own flesh and blood.

"Are you, alright?"

[forcefullyunstable]

"No, I'm not all right!" Ben whimpered. Han had seen a number of emotions pouring out of his volatile son so far - despair, anger, confusion, enraged destruction... This time it was fear. "The Supreme Leader is furious. I resisted his will. I... I shouldn't have come with you. He'll find me. Just like he did when you sent me away to Luke."

Never mind that essentially running from people that want you dead is what being a scoundrel and a smuggler is all about. Ben isn't the most rational man in the galaxy. And he's not exactly giving his father the credit he deserves.

But for now, at least, they were far enough away that Ben's broken mind was his own again.

[twelve_not_fourteen]

All things considered, it was pretty clear that Ben wasn't 'alright', but it was far easier to spit out that question than it was to make a more detailed query about whether Snoke was still in the kid's head or not.

"Well, ducking people is something I happen to have a lot of experience with, Ben." He says quietly. Knowing full well he's opening himself up to snarky remarks just by saying as much. Doesn't really matter at this point because he ... probably deserves it.

"Is there something we can do to keep him out of your head? Besides being on the other side of the galaxy?" This was the kind of thing that a Force Sensitive was going to have a better understanding of then a pilot con-man.

[forcefullyunstable]

"Worked well enough for the first few years, don't you think?" He scoffed bitterly. Traveling with Luke, he was always on the move. The Jedi Master was likely offering some level of protection, but it was too little too late.

He eventually sat up, looking his father in the eyes.

"I'm not very good at shielding myself, all right? The Supreme Leader forbid it." He was sure Han could imagine what happened if you went against such a rule. "His... guidance... That's a privlege."

And there was a part of Ben that still believed it even though he didn't really want to anymore. He was a pawn, and a very willing one at that. But he didn't want to go back to Luke for answers either.

"Just keep going. Maybe we'll stay lucky."

[twelve_not_fourteen]

'Just keep going and maybe we'll stay lucky' sounds like a Solo plan. There aren't all that many traits Ben has that remind him of himself, but the moments when he does always strike him as funny in a sad and strange kind of way. It's too fatalistic for him to think that maybe he was always meant to be estranged from the boy. Or that the connection he had with the force (that Han didn't) was going to isolate the two of them from each other.

He tried not to let himself hope too much that it could change. His hope had been slowly burning out for a long time, but then, it always seemed more of Skywalker trait than a Solo one.

"Letting someone control your actions isn't a privilege kid, it makes you a slave." He says after a moment of thinking on his son's words. Shame that he didn't get more of Han's thick-headedness. Or even Leia's.

He doesn't know what it's like to fight off those kinds of attacks, he just knows that he'd rather die than live that way. He won't say it with the words, but the thoughts of the man say as much. perhaps the eyes too.

[forcefullyunstable]

If his head didn't hurt so much, he probably would have lashed out at Han. But what he said was true. For all the power he was supposed to have inherited, for eveything he trained to become, it wasn't ever his. Not really.

"It's better than being nothing at all..." He muttered, looking away.

The saddest part was that he honestly believed it. Suddenly desperate to change the subject, he then asked "...Where are we going to go now?"

[twelve_not_fourteen]

As impossible a task as it seemed Han had little doubt that Leia could find a way to negotiate ... not absolution for what Ben had done, but at least clemency and an opportunity for him to try to right some of the wrongs. Or perhaps he could be safe under the guidance and protection of Luke, but that seemed like a good idea the first time and it turned out that it wasn't.

The Resistance was not where Ben wanted to be right now, though. Han didn't have to ask to know as much. And he suspected the young man wouldn't want to face his Uncle right now, too. After what Han had heard that Ben had done ...

If you asked Han, not everyone could handle the burden of being a Skywalker. Leia and Luke were the two strongest people he knew and still, the responsibilities they took on often seemed as if it would swallow the two of them up. What his son needed was to remember or even to learn for the first time, what it was like to be the master of his own destiny.

And that was something that Han had always been good at. Defining himself by his own actions and choices.

"I figure Nar Shadda might be a good place to lay low and figure out our next move."

[forcefullyunstable]

"Nar Shadda? The... the Hutt moon?" He asked, only halfway aware of why.

Somewhere in the back of his mind, he remembered the name being mentioned in his childhood. Something akin to Coruscant, but much worse. Some place his mother never approved of. It was a haven for smugglers, criminals and the like - a perfect place for Ben to find his own path, maybe even himself.

[twelve_not_fourteen]

Would it shock anybody to know that among the handful of places Han had ever lived on for more than a few weeks, the location known as 'the smuggler's moon' was one of them? He knew the place pretty well, although it had been before he'd even met Luke and Leia that he'd had that apartment there. There was no guarantee that once they got out of the spaceport, Han would recognize much of anything there.

But it was the kind of place that even Han Solo could (at least somewhat) blend in still. There'd be work if they wanted. A thriving underworld depending on how interested Ben was in wanting to change his identity. Places to rent for relatively cheap. Maybe even an old connection of Han's or two available to help them along the way.

In the admittedly brief time he had to come up with a new destination, this one seemed to have the most going for it.

"The same."

[forcefullyunstable]

Well, it was definitely on the other side of the galaxy from Jakku, and hopefully, with that kind of hive of scum and villainy, they'd be able to give the First Order the slip. At least for a while.

He would try things this way. He would live as his father lived. Or at least try to.

The entire way there, Ben refused to meditate. He didn't even attempt to use the Force, lest he lead the Supreme Leader right to them. He couldn't say for certain whether that played a role before, but after what he felt of Snoke in his mind, he didn't feel like taking too many extra chances. Not unless he absolutely had to.

When they entered into Hutt space, Ben joined his father in the cockpit. He was back in the same dark outfit he'd cobbled together for the jaunt around the Ervana, with wrappings covering most of his face. It suited him, in a strange sort of way.

He always did feel more comfortable behind a mask.

"Ready as I'll ever be." He announced, before Han could even pose the question.

[twelve_not_fourteen]

Han is kind of old and he has most definitely not kept up with what's fashionable among young men. He thinks the shroud pulled over his face is a bit much. Probably unneeded because Ben had already taken such pains to kept the true identity of Kylo Ren secret. But the truth is, Han doesn't know exactly what lengths Ben needs to go to stay safe from the First Order.

And if the kid wants to keep his face covered ... well he should be able to do that if he should want to. Even if your dad thinks it's kind of silly.

"Ever been to a cantina before?" He says running his thumb across his jawline in thought.

[forcefullyunstable]

Needed or not, it made him feel a little more in control. That couldn't hurt.

"A cantina?" He huffed. "Only when First Order spies spotted high-profile targets to be eliminated."

But then he gave the question a little more thought.

"And maybe once or twice... when I was little. I think I remember sitting on a counter while you did something, somewhere..."

He vaguely remembered a drink of some kind, and that it was blue. But not what it was.

[twelve_not_fourteen]

Han looks like he's got the next smart comment ready to go and he's about to unload it when ... all of a sudden Ben is sharing another memory. A real one. The image of his son with him in a bar at all too tender of an age makes him a little melancholy.

When he can finally speak ...

"Think you can sit in one for a while without eliminating anything?" He says with a tone that makes clear that Han's not trying to give him a hard time. He's just not sure of the answer.

[forcefullyunstable]

"That's up to the people who need to be eliminated." He stated, matter-of-factly. There was a warning hidden under the snide remark, though. Namely, Ben didn't plan on doing anything rash, but if someone started something, he was going to finish it.

It was probably a good thing Chewie still had his lightsaber.

"Are we looking for a job? Or a drink?" He asked as they began their descent into the hazy, polluted atmosphere. "Or both?"

[twelve_not_fourteen]

It probably was a good thing that Chewie had the lightsaber. The kid is dangerous with it. Which is both a good and a bad thing. That he was unpredictable with it was the deeper problem.

Besides, walking around with a lightsaber on your belt was going to draw far more attention than Han wanted to deal with right now. He ought to be carrying a blaster if Ben doesn't want to stand out.

"You and Chewie are going to have a drink. I want to make a call."

[forcefullyunstable]

"All right." Surprisingly, there was little argument from Ben.

When they landed in the spaceport, he followed behind his father, trying pretty hard to look like he knew what he was doing or that he belonged. He tried not to look around so much, instead using the Force to take in his surroundings.

The moon was dirty, the air thick. Neon lights clashed with the darkness. There was something about the energy of the place that made his skin crawl, but not necessarily in a bad way.

[twelve_not_fourteen]

Well, he has to be honest, he's a little bit surprised that his son hasn't taken more of an interest on whom he wanted to call. Granted, it's easier for him to not have to explain in great detail everything he wants to do and why, but it's a bit of a departure from the way that his son seemed to want to make all the decisions when he first got onboard the Falcon.

What he wants is advice. Nobody could pull a fast one on people like Xaverri could and likely, she'd kept up better on what type of tech was available to conceal oneself from authority better than he did.

Regardless, Nar Shaddaa is the kind of planet that's easier to disappear on than others. There were so many structures built on top of older structures that the whole damn moon was like a labyrinth. For the force sensitives, a lot of life had to make it more difficult to find an individual one. Or so Han presumed. One the other hand, he knew Leia and Luke could sense each other whole star systems apart so maybe that didn't make all that much of a difference.

At any rate, Han stays behind, opting to use the communications systems on board the Falcon to try to get a hold of the brilliant illusionist and con artist he hadn't heard from in almost a lifetime.

[forcefullyunstable]

Well, if Han was going to sell his son out to the Resistance, he likely would have done it already. Consider it a sign of trust - tenuous still, but forming.

Eventually, He left his father on board the Falcon and followed the Wookie into the cantina. As he went through the door, he kept the cowl around his face. There could be First Order spies anywhere. Or Resistance spies for that matter. He could only hope he didn't look as out of place as he felt.

There was no drop in the overall noise level, so at least there was that. He approached the bar.

The Supreme Leader and the First Order tended to frown on drunkenness, so he wasn't immediately sure what to order. He listened to what some of the other patrons were ordering and followed suit with a name that sounded good.

"Reactor core."

The bartender laughed, which drew attention from the rest of the nearby customers. "Oh, that's rich. A skinny whelp like you? Here's a mug of Osskorn Stout."

"That's not what I ordered!"

Chewbacca put a hand on Ben's shoulder, but he shrugged it off.

The bartender, meanwhile, glanced up at the Wookie. "You with the black string bean? Fine. You can carry his drunk ass out of here."

Ben finally got the drink he ordered, and downed it in three quick gulps, completely out of spite. In hindsight, that was not a good idea...

[twelve_not_fourteen]

Han, ultimately, doesn't get ahold of Xaverri. He hoped to, but he hadn't talked to the woman in more than a decade and only very sporadically at all since he'd met Leia. That was kinda how she preferred to operate anyway. Without attachments to anybody.

He could always try again a little later.

It ends up that he's only about ten minutes behind Chewbacca and Ben when he joins them in tavern they were killing time in. The place looks familiar ... but half the time he walks into one of these places he feels like it's only familiar because he's been in so many bars over the year that they've all started to feel like places he's been before. Like a strange kind of deja-vu.

He approached just in time to see Ben slam down whatever he was drinking spitefully, but not what it is that he was drinking.

"What's the point of pounding your drink like that, kid?"

[forcefullyunstable]

He hid a cough from what was probably some of the foulest swill this side of the galaxy.

"Proving a point!" He exclaimed despite the churning feeling of regret in his stomach. Apparently Ben couldn't go more than ten minutes without getting himself into some kind of trouble. The bartender rolled his eyes at Ben'a next insult.

"Yeah, you vomit on my bar, I personally throw your scrawny ass out the back door..." The man threatened, turning to Han. "Okay. What'll it be?"

[twelve_not_fourteen]

Did you just drink far more alcohol that you should have in too short a time, did you Ben? Just because someone insisted you shouldn't? There is some Solo in this kid after all.

For about a second, Han looks like he's trying to hold back a smile.

There are about half a dozen of Han's favorite options that he talks himself out of for one reason or another. Mainly, he can't any bottles of them behind the bartender and he can't think there's a huge stash of other liquors elsewhere.

"Darkoma." Han says finally. "No ice."

[forcefullyunstable]

Ben, meanwhile, had slumped back against Chewbacca. The cowl had fallen from his face enough to reveal a ridiculously drunken grin.

"What're you lookin' at?" He slurred at the bartender when he slid over Han's drink. "Told you. I'm good! Hey, that one sparkles!"

It didn't.

He tried to reach for Han's glass, but missed. He nearly fell over in the process. Chewbacca held him up, and grunted something about a Reactor Core. Followed by at least one 'like father, like son' joke in Shryiiwook.

[twelve_not_fourteen]

Well, Reactor Cores do tend to hit pretty quickly, but he doesn't remember them working that quickly. Ben did chug it, though. His son might have a low tolerance. Or the bartender might be trying to teach a punk kid a lesson by mixing it stronger. Han wouldn't have been surprised either way.

At any rate, Captain Solo doesn't particularly like mixed drinks, but Reactor Cores happen to be pretty handy for their effects and he's forced down a couple of them in his day. Forced being the key word. He hates the way they taste.

Han scoffs at his partner. He's got half a mind to point out that Han's never gotten drunk off of one drink that his partner had to hold him up afterward, but he feels like that would just result in his son chugging another Reactor Core somehow. Instead, he says, "it doesn't sparkle, kid."