Facing the Dawn with Sleepless Eyes ...

[twelve_not_fourteen]

Han was sitting in the curved bench of the Millennium Falcon’s galley with a half full glass of a colorless liquid in his hand. It was a loose, but familiar grasp. Like he had held a glass like this a thousand times and he knew exactly how to wrap his fingers around it comfortably. Whatever he was drinking smelled kind of like what leaks out of a power coupler when it’s busted.

He happens to be drinking it slowly, at least.

His other hand is occupied stroking through over the hair of a young lady who decided that his thigh ought to be her pillow while she took a nap.

Most days on the YT-1300 were good. Better than they had any right to be.

A fact that he attributed much of to the very same lady in his company now, but the path they treaded earlier in the day had been as choppy as entering a planet’s atmosphere during a raging storm. He should have seen it coming. He did, after all, accept a job that was going to have them delivering vaporators to a collective of moisture farmers on Jakku.

Yeah. That Jakku. The very same desert planet that he had gotten the lonely girl off of. The one she spent so many years waiting on, barely scraping by sometimes, waiting for people who never did end up coming back for her. The planet she never hesitated to mention that she would be perfectly happy never to go back to.

She put on a brave face when he told her their destination. Tried to act like it didn’t bother her, but he was beginning to know Rey very well and she wasn’t quite the card player he was yet. He saw the worry in her eyes and the nervous fidgeting of her hands when she thought Han wasn’t paying attention.

Hardly ate anything all day.

Didn’t find the usual things to talk about.

The worst of it, however, was when she tried to smile for him. The occasional attempt to smooth things over and prove to him that everything was okay – but the smile was wrong. She wasn’t feeling it and it made for a lame comparison to one of her real smiles; which he was pretty sure could light up Umbara if given the chance.

Han felt terrible about everything, of course.

Didn’t even come to bed, which, Rey realized after an hour or two of trying to wait up for him. That was when she took it upon herself, blanket in hand, to wordlessly collapse on him in the main hold. It was the only way she could see herself getting any rest.

Comments

[thesefirststeps]

She'd worry, anyway. Even if she never admits to it, there are times that she worries quite a bit, and right now, she's worried about a lot all at once - not only the thought of stepping foot on Jakku again, but also the way that this has happened again, and that Han's been hurt because of it.

Whatever it was. Whatever was going on with her or because of her. Because it has to be her - they've had disagreements before and nothing has ever happened like this...

Sometimes, a lie could go a long way to protect a person. In this case, it would only ratchet her worry all the higher. Because if he could keep this from her, it's only fair to assume what else he might try to hide.

Rey breathes out harshly upon her first sight of the glass embedded in his palm. It's worse than she thought, actually, and she doesn't even dare to try to remove it just yet. She shakes her head, drops it, almost like she's hiding, and it's pretty clear that she's more shaken up than ever now that she's seen it.

"We need to get that removed immediately. If we don't, it's going to get infected."

[twelve_not_fourteen]

See! That's exactly the kind of reaction he was trying to prevent. She looks beside herself at the sight of it.

"I've had a lot worse." He says, drawing his hand back so she doesn't have to look at it anymore. On some level, she must know that's not a lie, there's more than a few scars she's seen during occasions of his nakedness. Life on the Trader's Luck he had to thank for most of them.

"If you handle the mess I can take care of the hand."

[thesefirststeps]

'It could be worse' is a sentiment they can both offer - whether it's applied to his wound, or her state of mind upon seeing it. Once the shard is removed, it probably won't look as terrible as it does currently, but her emotional state ... that isn't about to change anytime soon, not until the job is done and they're heading away from the junkyard that is Jakku.

She feels ashamed of herself, of her reaction, and her cheeks flame into life ... which probably looks a lot better than the way that blood had disappeared the moment she saw his blood.

"Of course", she murmurs, quickly setting off to sweep the shards up, throw them away, clean the spilled liquor until it looks as though nothing's ever transpired here in the first place. And afterwards, she'll disappear back to the bunk, curling up in as tight a ball as she can manage, scared, remembering other instances of moments like this, anxious at the thought of what might happen if she ever lost control of her emotions again.

[twelve_not_fourteen]

Well, he more or less got exactly what he wanted. Rey not having to fret over his wound and the glass getting cleaned up so that they could put this weirdness behind them and yet ...

And yet something tells him he missed something or that something's still not been put to right. He just has no idea what it could be. Maybe as he went through the multi-step process that was tending to the shard of glass in his hand, he'd figure it out.

First, he goes to where he stores the liquor to grab the strongest proof that he has. Then he goes off to grab a clean rag and then, one of the medkits he has stashed away in a number of locations around the ship.

He starts with the liquor, of course. It's purpose is two-fold because it will not only disinfect his wound, but it will also give him the proper frame of mind to handle his unsightly piece of glass. He takes a shot directly out of the bottle and then, leans over the sink in the galley. As he pours the alcohol into the wound it burns and Han can't help but cry out.

[thesefirststeps]

And yet, she's disappeared without a word. She's sequestered herself away from everything and everyone, and she's allowing herself to wallow in her unease - the fear of what might come to pass if she really was the cause of his injuries, however inadvertently they'd occurred.

Rey would have stayed to assist, but he sounded as though he'd rather do it himself - and, honestly, she couldn't figure out if that meant that her presence was wanted, or not, and ... wasn't this the safer choice?

But then she hears him cry out, and her blood runs cold in her veins. Before she thinks about it, before she can stop herself, she's up and moving, almost desperate in her attempt to find him, to help, to take that pain away.

Back to the galley she goes, far less hesitantly than she'd found him before. "Han? I heard you - are you okay? Please be okay ... "

[twelve_not_fourteen]

So the sound of something breaking followed by the sound of Han swearing isn't all that out of the ordinary on the Millennium Falcon. It's enough to briefly wake up Chewbacca who sort of listened to the two humans murmuring to each other for a while. It made him feel like whatever was going on, they could handle it. There wasn't the sound of a further scuffle or more yelling ...

A few minutes later, when the Wookiee hears the unmistakable sound of his best friend in pain, you can hear him leap out of bed and head over to the humans in an impressively few number of strides. Chewbacca is there only a couple of seconds behind Rey.

"I'm ... alright." Han says. "It's just in a little deeper than I thought, that's all."

Chewie makes an inquisitive honking sort of sound while he looks to Han and then Rey.

"Just a broken glass, pal. Gotta pretty big piece of it in my hand."

The Wookiee huffs and makes a sharp howl and a bark. The gist of it translates to 'there are three of us you, idiot. Why are you trying to do this yourself?'

"Don't get all worked up, Rey was about to come over." Han says raising his voice back at his partner and pointing a finger at him around the bottle he's holding.

Chewbacca sighs. He pats Rey on the shoulder and nudges her gently in the direction of Han. As he turns away he indicates that 'he's going to clean up the mess.'

[thesefirststeps]

Things happen. Items get broken, people get a bit upset about it all, and yes, sometimes injuries even occur, but usually, things get calmer rather than more more heated ... except for maybe the time she'd gotten up close and personal with that heavy crate.

So, she's not surprised in the slightest to hear Chewie's heavy footsteps behind her, well aware that he'd be curious or concerned or maybe both, slightly comforted by the way he hurried to Han's side. So if she couldn't stay, at least he'd be taken care of.

She's also comforted somewhat to hear that the wound wasn't worse than she was imagining it to be when she'd thoughtlessly jumped out of her bunk and ran to check on him. And although she's still nervously on edge, she can't help her stilted, soft laughter at the way Chewie chides Han.

It fades, though, and she's quiet again, barely huffing out a breath even as he nudges her forward. This time, she'll stay, if that's what Han wants. This time, she won't try to hide herself away.

"How can I help?", she asks, her voice soft, a bit shaky, scared.

[twelve_not_fourteen]

"Something wrong, isn't it?" He says, pursuing his lips. "Something more than just my hand ..."

He doesn't know if she's going to want to get into it while Chewbacca's in earshot cleaning up, but maybe she can indicate one way or the other if he's right and ... they could talk about it later? He doesn't really know what it is.

He supposes it could be the Jakku thing. He'd almost forgotten about that for a moment.

"One of us has gotta pull out the glass and the other's gonna have to press like hell on my hand. I think it's gonna bleed for a while. When it stops, bacta and gauze."

[thesefirststeps]

He's right, of course.

It's Jakku. It's those nightmares. And even if he hasn't begun considering it, it's the fact that she knows that she's responsible for hurting him, even though that's one of the few things she's promised herself that she would never do. And she doesn't know how to even bring any of it up, or even how to apologize.

So she simply nods in response, and swallows hard, and devotes her gaze to his hand, and the glass still protruding from it, and she hisses softly as she gently touches around it, but still, she nods her understanding.

"You pull. I'll take care of it afterwards."

[twelve_not_fourteen]

Han takes one more hit from the bottle and then sets it down. He carefully examines the shard of glass that's still sticking out of his palm so he can find the best way to grab the shard without cutting his other hand.

"Alright." Han puts the thumb and forefinger of his good hand on the inside and outside of the shard of glass, he winces in pain because it moves a little while he does so. "I'm gonna count to three."

Then he counts to three and jerks the glass out quickly. Hopefully, Rey is on standby with that towel and she can ignore the fact that he kind of moaned his pain when he pulled out the shard too. Solo drops the bloody fragment into the sink where it bubbles against some of the left behind alcohol.

[thesefirststeps]

Hopefully, whatever he's drinking is able to muddle some of the pain the glass is causing him. Because not only can Rey see his hurt in his expression, she can feel it rolling off of him in waves, too, and it only just deepens her guilt.

If the towel wasn't clutched tightly in her hands, she'd help steady him if she could, not wanting Han to hurt his other hand in the process of removing the glass. She nods her understanding, standing ready, waiting for her chance to act.

Once it's removed and she hears it clatter into the sink, she presses the towel against his palm, a little force required to try to staunch the flow of blood. As long as she can concentrate on doing this for him, she doesn't have to concentrate on anything more unpleasant.

That would come sooner than she was comfortable with, she knows.

"How's that?", she asks, her voice soft. "Is it feeling any better? If I'm pressing too hard, just tell me - "

[twelve_not_fourteen]

The force is likely going to teach Rey about the way Han Solo behaves when he's in pain, if her own intuition didn't teach her as much already. When the pain is minor he'll usually play it up for attention. Around her anyway, because she'll indulge him. Chewie does not indulge him. On the other hand, when the pain is serious, that's when Han is usually trying to downplay it.

Likely, she'll sense that he's trying to keep it in. Although, that glass was sharp and he hasn't been able to help most of the grunting and groaning this time.

"It's good." He says quietly, though his eyes are a little bit glassy. "You're doing fine, sweetheart."

[thesefirststeps]

She's already learned as much in their time together - although every instance thus far as only been the minor sorts of aches and pains that she fondly rolls her eyes at as she indulges him. Chewie does not indulge him, but Rey always will. That's part of why she knows that this is more serious than it looks.

She sighs, but doesn't let up on the pressure she's holding against his palm, hoping that the bleeding soon comes to a halt. And although it's difficult at the moment to tear her eyes from her work, she glances at Han, needing to see his expression, how he's feeling, if he's not working overtime to put a good face on all of this.

"I'm sorry."

[twelve_not_fourteen]

There's not much to see in his face. He's pretty stoic when he wants to be and the pain is now at a level he can ignore better because it's consistent. There's no longer the sudden, acute stabs of pain because the shard is gone. It's the eyes that ultimately betray him. He's hurting. When the bleeding stops and they can get the bacta on it, they'll be fine, but in the meantime he's going to be sore.

"Sorry for what? The nightmare? Everybody gets those ..." He says with a shrug of his shoulders. He still thinks this is his fault, Rey. "Listen, I promise we'll only stay on Jakku long enough to unload and get paid. And I promise I'll never make you go there again."

[thesefirststeps]

That is also how she knows that the hurting is worse than he's allowing her to see. But it's probably best for the both of them if she doesn't push and prod at him to admit to pain she already sees for herself that he's feeling. So, she'll continue holding the towel against his hand, and once the bleeding is done, she'll continue taking care of it to best of her ability, bacta and bandage alike.

She shakes her head again, surprised and touched by the promise. Now that she's less panic-stricken, she realizes how ridiculous it even was to realize that she'd find herself left alone on the lonely desert planet when he's never given her any indications that he wasn't happy with her presence on his ship, or ... with her, personally.

"No - I ... I'm sorry for - for ... breaking your glass. I hate that I hurt you!"

[twelve_not_fourteen]

He doesn't think it's wrong for her to be upset at the thought of going back to Jakku. There are places he hopes never to go back to himself, although, fewer of them are whole planets than specific places upon them. Or in one case a specific space ship. The biggest mistake, he thinks, was just trying to pretend everything was okay when they should have been talking things over ...

Maybe it's at least a lesson they can keep in mind for a while and a mistake they can try not to make again anytime soon.

"Rey, that's ..." That was impossible. Right? "... the glass was in my hand."

[thesefirststeps]

Which is funny, because she's beginning to feel like her reaction was ... unreasonable. But once they sit down and discuss her feelings, if they do that, she'll be far more open and honest than she's been on the duration of this trip.

At the very least, hopefully they've learned a valuable lesson about being honest with each other in all aspects, because this - this has been miserable.

"It's - ", she begins, shrugging helplessly. "It's happened before."

[twelve_not_fourteen]

If there's one thing that Han should probably do, it's be more open when it comes to all those things he never wants to talk about. It's not a very healthy way to live one's life and even if his choices to be that way might not effect Rey directly, you can't help but wonder if it does by proxy.

"It's happened before?"

A lot of questions start springing to mind. Chiefly, 'what is it' and 'when was before', but he can see that it's kind of upsetting to her or ... she's upset by it this time.

He continues, a little softer. Chewie will probably be able to hear them, but he'd still rather take the volume down a little. "So you're that the glass broke because of something you did? Do you know why it happens?"

[thesefirststeps]

It's how he protects himself - and if there anything that Rey understands, it's that. It's not as though she doesn't do much the same, at least with certain details and experiences that she doesn't like to think about, much less feel comfortable speaking about.

With each other though, it shouldn't be so difficult to be open and honest and... vulnerable.

She's more upset by the fact that he's gotten hurt because of her than by the fact that it's happened again - which is distressing in and of itself. She thought she was safe from these nightmares now that she was away from Jakku, now that she had friends, now that she was cared for.

This instance has proven that she's not safe anywhere, and it's shaken her to her core.

"No, I don't know what it is - ", she replies, her voice trembling. "But when I have these dreams, the ones when I remember being - being left behind.... I've woken up to find things.... broken. I've woken up to find everything looking like it's been ransacked, even though I was the only one there. I've woken up with cuts, too. I didn't mean to hurt you, I swear! "

[twelve_not_fourteen]

That was the part that he wasn't putting together till she brings up hurting him. There's guilt and concern that's tied to the fact that he got a shard of glass to the hand. It's strange to have someone this concerned over his well-being who isn't Chewbacca, but on the other hand, he kinda gets it.

He was a little bit of a mess when those crates came down on her, too.

"Hey sweetheart." He murmurs. Han would draw her into a hug if they weren't trying to keep his blood in him. "I'll help you. It's gonna be alright."

Nevermind that he has no idea how he's going to do that, but he's going to try. They'll find someone who knows what's going on with Rey, there's a lot of people who've seen a lot of things in those taverns they hang around it. Then they can go from there ...

[thesefirststeps]

It might not be a serious injury, but it's serious enough to wrack her with that guilt. She'd have been concerned even if it had been just as superficial as the scratch to his cheek. She would have been just as concerned even if she hadn't been the cause.

She loves him, after all, and she wants nothing more than to be with him for a long time to come. (Those mentions of exploring new worlds together, of settling down one day somewhere like Kashyyyk that she's looking so forward to.)

Later, maybe, once he's properly bandaged, and they can find some sort of privacy - she'll need that hug. She'll need his closeness. She'll need him.

"Thank you."

[twelve_not_fourteen]

"Sure."

There was plenty of motivation to learn exactly what's going on with her. Preventing future injuries. Sparing his poor ship that sometimes seemed to struggle to stay in one piece as it is. Trying to tell exactly how ... dangerous this thing that troubles her is.

Thing of it is, he doesn't want to know because of the usual self and ship preserving reasons. He wants to know because he needs her to be okay and stars forbid if she's not ... well, then they have to get her whatever treatment there is for what's wrong. They have a lot of traveling to do together. Debts to pay off and then maybe the future to think about.

[thesefirststeps]

Thank you seems woefully inadequate. But at the moment, it's really all she has.

And while she understands that a lot of the reasoning behind his acceptance and his offer for help is to keep his ship safe and in one piece, she's also aware that more of it is due to his feelings for her.

And that settles some of her anxieties, too. Why was she even scared to begin with? They'd talked about the future enough times for her to know that he saw her as a part of his, and yet - and yet, that still didn't quell her nightmares.

She lifts the edge of the towel to take a peek at his hand, and notices that no blood wells up from the puncture once she does. "You're not bleeding anymore", she murmurs, glancing up at him slowly. "We can probably start cleaning it now."

[twelve_not_fourteen]

"Yeah? You think so?"

Han's not sure himself. All he feels is his hand is throbbing and he can see a spot of crimson going through the towel. "Suppose he can lift up the towel and find out."

And when they do? They'll find that she was right. Han is done bleeding. It's good to know that Rey has a knack for the first aid stuff, although, he's hopeful that they won't have to lean on it very often.

[thesefirststeps]

"Positive."

She just has the feeling that the adrenaline has slowed, and the bleeding has, too. And she can't help feeling the tiniest bit of pride when the towel is lifted and she's proven correct.

It actually looks a lot better now that the shard has been removed, less angry, still red and swollen, though. After the bacta and a little bit of time, he'd be good as new, that much, she was certain. And hopefully, she'd never have to do any of this again ...

Although she's learned to expect the unexpected, so who knows when or if something like this would happen again?

"How does it feel? Any better?"