On the Light and the Dark ...

[twelve_not_fourteen]

“Ben --”

In a such a large structure with conditioners for the volume of systems and subsystems that run the Starkiller Base, it seems like there should have been more ambient noise then there was. Instead, the voice of his father cuts through the air like freshly sharpened vibroblade. It’s in the echo, however, that you can really hear the desperation.

“Han Solo, I’ve been waiting for this day for a long time.” That voice, cold and mechanical with the face Han longed to see so badly hidden behind a helmet. The Millennium Falcon’s captain has to struggle to hold back the tears that seem to want to spill from his eyes.

How you could have been so close, as he stalked behind you and still you didn’t seem to feel him or acknowledge that he was there, the old pilot will always wonder. Han’s first footfall onto the durasteel catwalk not the usual confident step, but a shaky one. He has a bad feeling about what’s about to happen and yet, it’s a feeling he has to ignore for many reasons.

For, perhaps, the most important reasons that any man could ever hope to have.

Han sets his jaw and summons the same courage that allowed for him to skim a little too close to black holes and run hollering into crowded barracks full of Stormtroopers. It shouldn’t take that kind of bravery to face your own son, should it? He supposes not, and for a second or two while he approaches, he tries to pinpoint where it all went wrong. As if it was only one wrong choice that sent them through this hellish cascade and not a series of them made by multiple people.

“Take off that mask.” Han says, a bit of an edge in his voice again. “You don’t need it.”

“What do you think you’ll see if I do?” A pointed response, not quite as glib as the ones his father spouts off, but sort of philosophical. It reminds him of a Skywalker response.

“The face of my son.”

When Kylo Ren disengages the mechanisms that keep his helm in place, and he reveals himself, his father’s eyes seem to soften. The sad truth is that he can recognize you, but the light that he used to see in you - a brilliance that could have dwarfed any star that Han had ever seen, seems so far away.

“Your son is gone. He was weak and foolish like his father. So I destroyed him.”

“That’s what Snoke wants you to believe. When he gets what he wants, he’ll crush you.” Han pauses to look at his son, who seems to recoil at the words. “You know it’s true.”

“It’s too late.” Kylo protests, but he’s struggling with something and Han can see it in his eyes.

“No it’s not.” He says, doubling down on Leia’s insistence that their boy can still be saved, even though in the moment he’s not really sure. The Solo patriarch says it with all the hope in the galaxy though. “Leave here with me. Come home.”

Then, when it seemed like Han was so close to getting his son back, A blaster bolt flies past Han’s arm. It comes so close to hitting him that it singes the leather of his jacket and the smell of burning touches the air.

Han turns, snarling and withdraws his blaster. His hand speed still impressive for a non-force user and he fires three shots in the direction that the bolt seemed to come from. Then more blaster fire starts coming from all directions – from Chewie, Finn and Rey as well as the troopers of the first order who had filtered into the room.

At this point, the only sensible thing that Captain Solo can think to do is to sprint back toward his friends, snap off a few more shots and hope that his son had chosen to follow. He doesn’t hear the pounding of another set of feet behind him, though. The observation makes his heart sink.

Han turns to look back at his son, in the middle of the chaos, only to see the young man pulling the helmet on again.

What Han doesn’t see, in that moment, is the way a bolt threatening to hit him right in the back, changes mid trajectory and flies impotently into the emptiness below him. Did Ben Solo use the force to save his father? Did Kylo Ren only intervene because he still wanted to end his father’s life himself?

The Knight, clad all in black, ignites a scarlet saber that glows angrily amid the trickle of blaster fire in the air.

“Fall back.” He yells to Rey and Fin.

Chewie, doesn’t need orders from Han to know what he wants. The old partners know each other well enough that many things don’t need to be said. Get to the Falcon. Someone has to raise the ramp and ignite the engines.

Still, his Wookiee best friend will lay down some cover fire in the space between father and son, to give the senior member of this band of heroes some time to reconvene with Rey and Finn. Only then will Chewbacca hit the trigger for the detonators and sprint off to the ship. If Solo wants to be mad about that, his copilot thinks to himself, they can argue about it later.

Soon Finn, Rey and Han are scrambling though the snow and trying to lose their pursuers in the dark forest. Considering that he’s more than twice their age, Han thinks he’s doing a serviceable job of keeping up, but a look he’s catching in the female of their party’s eyes tells him someone is nearby. 

Comments

[forcefullyunstable]

"Then everyone else did! And they're right!"

He stood up, hurling the charred meat in a random direction. His lightsaber was already active, but at least he paused before just cutting through the table or anything else in the galley.

[twelve_not_fourteen]

Or anyone else for that matter.

Every time he sees that scarlet lightsaber ignite he flinches. It's the brightness of it, he tells himself, or worrying about his old relic of a freighter, but that's not really it; it's just the lie a father tells himself because he's still worried that one of these bursts of anger is going to mean the extinction of Han Solo.

He doesn't really want to die, but then again, he never thought he'd live this long either.

"I wish you weren't so torn up inside by what everyone around you thinks." To say that Han doesn't care about what anyone thinks of him ever would be untrue, but he's far less concerned about his persona than most. He's certainly never felt a burden to live up to any of his ancestors - he hardly knew who any of them were.

[forcefullyunstable]

"What, you think that's not all there is?!" He shouted without fully thinking it through.

There was some truth to such a dramatic statement. Ben clearly remembered his mother's reaction to the news of her father's identity getting out and how it started to topple her political career. Luke was nothing but a failure, and the Jedi perceived to be a myth in most parts of the galaxy simply because no one saw them active. And in the First Order, dammit, reputation is everything. What the Supreme Leader thinks of you determines if you live or die.

"I'm not Kylo Ren. I'm not Ben Solo. I don't know what I am and neither do you!!"

He stormed out, as volatile as ever, dragging his saber through part of the wall as he went.

[twelve_not_fourteen]

For all the anger in his heart that Han sometimes harbored, he couldn't hang onto it long while he watched his son in clear anguish. Though it will spike again briefly when he sees a saber going through the durasteel of his ship. There was a want to help Ben, of course, nothing that he wanted more in the entire galaxy in this moment. He just didn't know how. Or if he even could.

He knew that there was a way to live that had nothing to do with who you were related to and what you thought your destiny was, though, because he was proof of it. Even when he married Leia and everyone thought it would bring about a certain pattern of behavior, he never let it trap him. He never let anything define Han Solo apart from himself. For good and for bad.

He spends some time cleaning up their mess and looking at all the damage that the Falcon had acquired over the last few days. As if he might find the answers to his questions in the carbon scoring.

Though he doesn't.

Han walks off the old YT-1300 to go back to the bridge of the Eravana. Might as well check in with Chewie and make sure that the were still proceeding to Phu as scheduled.

[forcefullyunstable]

Ben was a mess. All he had in his life were missing and malformed pieces of what everyone else saw and expected. The light side. The dark side. His father's memories of him were no different, just a little bit kinder. He liked thinking about them, but his mind kept falling into doubt, guilt, anger, fear... everything that Snoke used to manipulate Ben Solo from the very beginning.

For most of the trip, (despite having the vast expanse of the Ervana at his disposal) he secluded himself in that cargo hold, often using the Force to seal the door shut. Anyone standing on the other side would hear angry shouting, violent outbursts and broken sobs.

If left to his own devices, he couldn't pull himself out of his own twisted mind. It might be more merciful to just give him some kind of order to follow or task to do. Something, anything...

[twelve_not_fourteen]

It's worrisome that Ben has such a hard time finding his own purpose. Maybe that was part of the trouble. If he couldn't decide for himself what he should do with his life, then it seems as if he would always be susceptible to being the tool of someone else designs. Even if he'd managed to dodge a dose of plasma to the heart, it's not as if Han could tell his son what to do forever.

After an hour or so, well before they should be arriving at Phu, Ben will feel the Eravana shudder. That in itself is not a good sign. A heavy class freighter is the spacefaring equivalent of a plow. Once it's got enough forward momentum going to push it along, there isn't much that's going to slow it down or stop it. And since it's so big and slow, you can bet Han had his heavily shielded.

Even your average-sized asteroid will bounce off the Eravana without anyone on board being aware.

The ship shudders again.

There's no way for Han or Chewie to hail the youngest Solo while he's in the cargo hold unless he would be willing to answer his personal comlink, but neither of them seem to want to stop long enough to try. If Ben reaches out with the force to sense what the two of them are doing right now, he'll find that they're both running toward the Falcon.

[forcefullyunstable]

The shuddering momentarily shook Ben out of misery and exhaustion. At least for a moment. He sat up, looking around. When nothing seemed out of the ordinary, he closed his eyes and sunk back down once again. Then it happened a second time.

This time, he did sit up. He concentrated on the Force and felt his father and Chewie moving closer. When it happened a third time, he tried to discern exactly what could be hitting them that damn hard.

[twelve_not_fourteen]

Is there something left to sense in the poor warped minds of the children who became the slaves of the first order? Because if so, Ben will feel five First Order pilots flying TIE/fo model starships in the vicinity. Their aim, seemingly, to perform a coordinated strike on the Eravana. And since TIE fighters don't end up in deep space by themselves, there's probably a battlecruiser nearby.

When Han and Chewie start pounding their way onto the Falcon, the force sensitive will hear his father's voice raised in concern. "Ben, we've got trouble!"

Pilot and co-pilot raise the ramp and head directly to the cockpit. It's gonna be another quick take off, but fortunately, it's not as if Han doesn't have a wealth of experience on how those work.

[forcefullyunstable]

When Ben reached out with the Force, he was assaulted with not only the image of TIE fighters, but of the forces building nearby. It wasn't just any battlecruiser, it was the first order's flagship. He could feel Snoke's presence closing in.

The voice that resonated in his mind gave a final warning to Kylo Ren - admonishing him for squandering both his potential and the teachings he received, plucking tragic and angry memories from deep inside his head, fear and pain and torment... that could all be over if he simply completed this final test.

If he killed Han Solo.

Ben struggled to his feet, stumbling out of the cargo hold with his head in both hands. "Shut up, shut up, shut up!!"

He made his way to the cockpit, slamming into more than a couple of walls as he fought against a barrage of mental attacks and constant reminders of what he could do to ease his own suffering.

Just kill Han Solo.

"You have no idea what kind of trouble you're in!" He managed to spit out before he screamed, hurling his lightsaber (thankfully deactivated) at Chewbacca. He dropped to his knees. "...Snoke... He found me. He's in my head! The Finalizer... The First Order..."

[twelve_not_fourteen]

At this point in Captain Solo's life, he's seen the force so often that he can't deny it's power anymore. He saw the dark side in the form of the threatening presence of Darth Vader and has seen the light side represented by the luminous presence of Luke Skywalker. This was the way in manifested when he found himself swept up in the galactic war. The way he'd seen it, then.

Light side or dark side. Good or Evil.

For a long time, that was how he believe that it worked. And yet, he knew so well that people could rarely be portrayed in such extremes. Like him. Not a good man or a bad man, per se. Not light or dark.

He can feel when things are going wrong. It was always an icy feeling, like dread in his gut. He felt it now. Getting deeper and colder as his son grew near. He heard his son cry out. Felt his pain not through the power of the force, but with empathy. It could be the end of him.

The burn of lightsaber would probably hurt for a moment. Maybe it would even remind him of the heating elements he'd been shoved face first into on Besbin. That pain that transcended beyond the nerves that felt it and stunned you mentally as well. Then whatever was beyond. He swears he almost feels it coming, till that saber hit shaped like a cross goes flying at his partner.

Best in Chewie's hands, whose Wookiee strength could crush it before Ben might reach for it again - with the force or with an outstretched hand.

"Ben." Han says, oddly calm for how much worry he feels right now. "Kid, stay with us. We're gonna get you out of here."

It's all he can think to do. All that he feels like he can do right now. Han's hands fly over the controls on the right side of the ship, particularly in the region of the Navcom. His partner needs no words from the Captain to know what he's up to. They're jumping into lightspeed upon take off. Likely through a barrage of laser fire.

[forcefullyunstable]

Even Ben was surprised he had as much willpower as he did to essentially surrender his weapon to Chewbacca. For the first time in a decade or more, he was actively trying to resist Snoke's influence. He was trying, with all his might, to make his own choice. Snoke, however, had his tendrils around his apprentice's mind and he was not pleased with such blatant disobedience.

He screamed. The sound was harsh and raw, immediately familiar to anyone who had survived torture. But unlike the devices Vader employed at Bespin all those years ago, like Kylo Ren, Snoke needed only the Force. Unlike Kylo Ren, however, he'd perfected the technique.

In the back of his mind, he heard his father telling him to hold on and he felt the ship make the jump almost instantly after takeoff. Everything else was lost beneath the pain.

Distance pried a shaking, sobbing Ben free of Snoke's assault. It left him trembling on the floor like the aftermath of a seizure. A thin line of blood trickled out of his nose and he fought to catch his breath.

"I'm sorry... I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry..." He choked between heaving breaths. At first, it sounded like he was apologizing to Han, but it might have been directed towards the Supreme Leader instead. "I can't... I w..won't..."

[twelve_not_fourteen]

Han knew about torture first hand, so, of course, he recognized that kind of scream. Physically, the worst pain Captain Solo had ever felt was at the hands of Darth Vader. You could study his nerves among all the types of pain that he had ever been exposed to in a life that seen, perhaps, more than his fair share of it. The evidence would be irrefutable.

And yet, it didn't compare to the hurt that he felt listening to his son cry out in that primal sort of agony that nobody should ever have to hear - much less hear coming from the vocal cords on their own kid. Or the feeling that he was completely helpless to ease his suffering. As far as he knew, nothing more that he could do apart from being on the opposite side of the galaxy from Snoke and hope that the control he had on Ben would weaken.

"Chewie, help Ben while I've got the controls, I want to be sure that we're not being followed."

It's a command he gives with regret. He'd love to be the one to pick his son up and carry him off to lie down somewhere, but the reality was, he's almost seventy years old. Chewbacca was the more sensible choice to do the lifting.

"Then come right back because I wanna watch over him."

[forcefullyunstable]

The jump to hyperspace broke the initial hold. Distance would only help. But in the meantime, Ben was a quivering wreck holding onto Chewbacca's fur as he was hoisted off the floor with ease.

That was something he did remember from childhood, and it never felt more real.

The Wookie carried him to Han's bunk, putting him on the actual bed - not the cargo hold he'd practically claimed as his own. By the time Chewie returned to the cockpit to trade places with Han, Ben had calmed somewhat. At least enough to look his father in the eyes and mutter, "he's gone..."

'For now.' Went painfully unspoken.

"I'm sorry... I lost us the other ship..."

[twelve_not_fourteen]

Level of calmness was the other reason Han figured that Chewbacca might be the better choice for the job of initially helping Ben to a bunk. Both for good and for bad it seemed as if being close to his father bought out some very powerful feelings in the force sensitive. It didn't take a keen insight in psychology to notice that he was far less conflicted by the Wookiee.

Rightfully so.

So Han is very quiet when he returns to Ben's side at first, anyway. And anyone who knows Han knows that it's not often that you'll catch him being quiet. He slides a metal chair over to the bedside and sits. For now.

"I don't really give a damn about the ship, kid." That ship anyway. Suffice to say there'd be a little more conflict if he lost the Millenium Falcon, but still. He doesn't even love his YT-1300 more than he loves his own flesh and blood.

"Are you, alright?"

[forcefullyunstable]

"No, I'm not all right!" Ben whimpered. Han had seen a number of emotions pouring out of his volatile son so far - despair, anger, confusion, enraged destruction... This time it was fear. "The Supreme Leader is furious. I resisted his will. I... I shouldn't have come with you. He'll find me. Just like he did when you sent me away to Luke."

Never mind that essentially running from people that want you dead is what being a scoundrel and a smuggler is all about. Ben isn't the most rational man in the galaxy. And he's not exactly giving his father the credit he deserves.

But for now, at least, they were far enough away that Ben's broken mind was his own again.

[twelve_not_fourteen]

All things considered, it was pretty clear that Ben wasn't 'alright', but it was far easier to spit out that question than it was to make a more detailed query about whether Snoke was still in the kid's head or not.

"Well, ducking people is something I happen to have a lot of experience with, Ben." He says quietly. Knowing full well he's opening himself up to snarky remarks just by saying as much. Doesn't really matter at this point because he ... probably deserves it.

"Is there something we can do to keep him out of your head? Besides being on the other side of the galaxy?" This was the kind of thing that a Force Sensitive was going to have a better understanding of then a pilot con-man.

[forcefullyunstable]

"Worked well enough for the first few years, don't you think?" He scoffed bitterly. Traveling with Luke, he was always on the move. The Jedi Master was likely offering some level of protection, but it was too little too late.

He eventually sat up, looking his father in the eyes.

"I'm not very good at shielding myself, all right? The Supreme Leader forbid it." He was sure Han could imagine what happened if you went against such a rule. "His... guidance... That's a privlege."

And there was a part of Ben that still believed it even though he didn't really want to anymore. He was a pawn, and a very willing one at that. But he didn't want to go back to Luke for answers either.

"Just keep going. Maybe we'll stay lucky."

[twelve_not_fourteen]

'Just keep going and maybe we'll stay lucky' sounds like a Solo plan. There aren't all that many traits Ben has that remind him of himself, but the moments when he does always strike him as funny in a sad and strange kind of way. It's too fatalistic for him to think that maybe he was always meant to be estranged from the boy. Or that the connection he had with the force (that Han didn't) was going to isolate the two of them from each other.

He tried not to let himself hope too much that it could change. His hope had been slowly burning out for a long time, but then, it always seemed more of Skywalker trait than a Solo one.

"Letting someone control your actions isn't a privilege kid, it makes you a slave." He says after a moment of thinking on his son's words. Shame that he didn't get more of Han's thick-headedness. Or even Leia's.

He doesn't know what it's like to fight off those kinds of attacks, he just knows that he'd rather die than live that way. He won't say it with the words, but the thoughts of the man say as much. perhaps the eyes too.

[forcefullyunstable]

If his head didn't hurt so much, he probably would have lashed out at Han. But what he said was true. For all the power he was supposed to have inherited, for eveything he trained to become, it wasn't ever his. Not really.

"It's better than being nothing at all..." He muttered, looking away.

The saddest part was that he honestly believed it. Suddenly desperate to change the subject, he then asked "...Where are we going to go now?"

[twelve_not_fourteen]

As impossible a task as it seemed Han had little doubt that Leia could find a way to negotiate ... not absolution for what Ben had done, but at least clemency and an opportunity for him to try to right some of the wrongs. Or perhaps he could be safe under the guidance and protection of Luke, but that seemed like a good idea the first time and it turned out that it wasn't.

The Resistance was not where Ben wanted to be right now, though. Han didn't have to ask to know as much. And he suspected the young man wouldn't want to face his Uncle right now, too. After what Han had heard that Ben had done ...

If you asked Han, not everyone could handle the burden of being a Skywalker. Leia and Luke were the two strongest people he knew and still, the responsibilities they took on often seemed as if it would swallow the two of them up. What his son needed was to remember or even to learn for the first time, what it was like to be the master of his own destiny.

And that was something that Han had always been good at. Defining himself by his own actions and choices.

"I figure Nar Shadda might be a good place to lay low and figure out our next move."

[forcefullyunstable]

"Nar Shadda? The... the Hutt moon?" He asked, only halfway aware of why.

Somewhere in the back of his mind, he remembered the name being mentioned in his childhood. Something akin to Coruscant, but much worse. Some place his mother never approved of. It was a haven for smugglers, criminals and the like - a perfect place for Ben to find his own path, maybe even himself.

[twelve_not_fourteen]

Would it shock anybody to know that among the handful of places Han had ever lived on for more than a few weeks, the location known as 'the smuggler's moon' was one of them? He knew the place pretty well, although it had been before he'd even met Luke and Leia that he'd had that apartment there. There was no guarantee that once they got out of the spaceport, Han would recognize much of anything there.

But it was the kind of place that even Han Solo could (at least somewhat) blend in still. There'd be work if they wanted. A thriving underworld depending on how interested Ben was in wanting to change his identity. Places to rent for relatively cheap. Maybe even an old connection of Han's or two available to help them along the way.

In the admittedly brief time he had to come up with a new destination, this one seemed to have the most going for it.

"The same."

[forcefullyunstable]

Well, it was definitely on the other side of the galaxy from Jakku, and hopefully, with that kind of hive of scum and villainy, they'd be able to give the First Order the slip. At least for a while.

He would try things this way. He would live as his father lived. Or at least try to.

The entire way there, Ben refused to meditate. He didn't even attempt to use the Force, lest he lead the Supreme Leader right to them. He couldn't say for certain whether that played a role before, but after what he felt of Snoke in his mind, he didn't feel like taking too many extra chances. Not unless he absolutely had to.

When they entered into Hutt space, Ben joined his father in the cockpit. He was back in the same dark outfit he'd cobbled together for the jaunt around the Ervana, with wrappings covering most of his face. It suited him, in a strange sort of way.

He always did feel more comfortable behind a mask.

"Ready as I'll ever be." He announced, before Han could even pose the question.

[twelve_not_fourteen]

Han is kind of old and he has most definitely not kept up with what's fashionable among young men. He thinks the shroud pulled over his face is a bit much. Probably unneeded because Ben had already taken such pains to kept the true identity of Kylo Ren secret. But the truth is, Han doesn't know exactly what lengths Ben needs to go to stay safe from the First Order.

And if the kid wants to keep his face covered ... well he should be able to do that if he should want to. Even if your dad thinks it's kind of silly.

"Ever been to a cantina before?" He says running his thumb across his jawline in thought.

[forcefullyunstable]

Needed or not, it made him feel a little more in control. That couldn't hurt.

"A cantina?" He huffed. "Only when First Order spies spotted high-profile targets to be eliminated."

But then he gave the question a little more thought.

"And maybe once or twice... when I was little. I think I remember sitting on a counter while you did something, somewhere..."

He vaguely remembered a drink of some kind, and that it was blue. But not what it was.